


Where You Least Expect It...

by AniRay



Series: There Love Will Be [1]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Infertility, Surrogacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24952777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AniRay/pseuds/AniRay
Summary: Grace Shelby wants a baby. Tommy wants Grace to be happy. Lizzie's just the girl who got stuck in the middle.
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark
Series: There Love Will Be [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1873810
Comments: 53
Kudos: 90





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alreadybroken (lifeofsnark)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeofsnark/gifts).



> I did very light research on the surrogacy process. Mostly because I didn't want to get into the logistics too much. Please suspend your disbelief.

“I’m so nervous, Thomas.”

Tommy looked over a Grace. Her golden hair was falling a bit out of the neat ponytail she had put it in that morning. She was fidgeting with the brochure from the clinic. If she twisted it anymore, Tommy was sure the thing would tear apart. But he didn’t say anything. He simply reached over and pulled the brochure out of her hand.

“Thanks,” she sighed. But two seconds later she was running her fingers along her brow. “God, Thomas, we tried so hard. And we’ve spent so much on all of this. Should we have gone with adoption?” They had had this same conversation the night before, and last week, and two months ago. But the answer was always the same. Grace sat up straighter, her head lifting a bit in determination. “No, this is what I want for us. A baby that’s at least part you, even if it can’t be part me as well.”

It had taken Grace a long time to accept the doctors’ verdict that she wouldn’t have children. After months and months of hormone treatments and strict dieting and far too many nights of his wife crying herself to sleep, Grace had let go of the idea of carrying her own child. And then there were even more months of trying to harvest her eggs. But when none of them were viable, Tommy had to step in before depression stole Grace away from him.

So they had turned to surrogacy. It wasn’t quite what Grace had wanted- having to use another woman’s egg as well as her body. But it was the closest to what Grace wanted and could actually get. So Tommy had gone to information seminars. He had read up on the different agencies. And when Grace had picked a place and a girl, Tommy didn’t voice his own worries. This was what Grace needed and he needed her, so this was what they would do.

The GPS told Tommy to take the next turn. But he’d already memorized how to reach the facility. Planning was what he did when he was unsure about things. Take control wherever he could had always been his way, but even more so since this whole fertility process had started. Polly was annoyed about it. Arthur was pulling at the leash. And John had gone and fucked his way into early fatherhood.

Something Grace wouldn’t admit she was hurt and bitter about.

Another turn and the facility came into view. It was nothing special, just a plain brick building. But it was clean and highly recommended. And mostly it was discreet- something Tommy had insisted on even if Grace hadn’t been concerned. Business was doing well and that always brought people who would rather Tommy or his loved ones not be breathing.

Pulling into a parking spot, Tommy turned the car off and turned to face Grace. “You ready?” He watched the emotions flit across her face. It was something not many people got to see. Grace had been raised to keep her emotions to herself. And then she had worked as a financial security investigator. Succeeding in that world meant not letting CEOs and their like see you anything other than calm and in control. So for her to show her fear and her anxiousness with him was just another thing to prove that they were supposed to be together.

“I don’t know. I just- I shouldn’t be nervous. It’s all been arranged. The papers have been signed.” She turned to look at him and Tommy felt a twinge in his chest at the tears in her eyes. “Its not even me who has to do anything. You’re the one about to…you know.” Tommy smiled. _Always so proper_. “But what if we do it and she changes her mind? Or you change your mind? What if-“

“I’m not changing my mind. She won’t change hers, either. And even if she does, this baby will be a Shelby. That’s why we got a lawyer for all of this, remember?” Tommy tucked a few strands of her hair back up into her ponytail. “Now, come on. It would look a bit bad if we were late because we took too long in the parking lot.”

Grace gave him a smile- the one that always seemed to make his world a bit brighter. “You’re right. I’m ready.” With a quick nod, Tommy got out of the car and went around to open the passenger door. Grace didn’t hesitate. She got out and took his hand as he closed the door. She was calm and strong and beautiful walking beside him.

And he’d be damned if this all went to shit.

-

The clinic was cold.

It always was, but today it bothered Lizzie a little bit more than the other times she’d come. They had her sitting in a small conference room, waiting for the couple she’d agreed to carry for- the Shelbys. Grace and Thomas Shelby. Wealthy, and from what Lizzie had heard from a staff member, trying this before settling for adoption. She didn’t like that word- settling. It reminded her of too many decisions she’d made in her life. 

But that wasn’t really the point, was it? No, the point was, she was sitting in a cold room about to meet the people she’d be dealing with for the next ten months more or less. And she still wasn’t sure this was what she wanted. _You already signed the damn papers, Lizzie_. The thought didn’t make her feel any more ready for this. But she was a bit desperate.

Ryan, the asshole, had harassed her for years before she finally quit working for him. She had dealt with enough men putting their hands on her in her life. That’s why she had left her home town, club work and waitressing all behind her. And now she was leaving Ryan and his too small office and his too rough hands behind her, too.

“Don’t think about him. He doesn’t deserve it.” Standing up from the seat she was in, Lizzie paced the room. Everything was so…bright. The walls were white with framed pieces of abstract art to break up the monotony. The windows were frosted to let light in while keeping everything inside private. But stuck in the room alone Lizzie just felt like she had stepped into some Sci-fi horror movie. “Get a grip. It’s not that bad.”

She had just made her way to the far side of the room for the thirteenth time when she heard voices. Quickly, Lizzie went back to the seat she’d started in. Her heart was pounding suddenly. Her palms were sweating. This was it- there was no going back after those doors opened. A knock came half a second before the door opened. Dr. Stone came in with one of the office assistants right behind her.

And then she saw her- a well-dressed woman with her blond hair up in a high ponytail. This was the woman who would be raising the baby Lizzie was going to have. She looked so elegant. It made Lizzie a little self-conscious, honestly. But then a man stepped into the room and shut the door. He wore a very nice suit- obviously tailored for him. His expression was neutral, but Lizzie had a feeling it was an intimidation tactic more than lack of interest. She eyed the way he stood and realized that behind his respectable appearance, this man was dangerous.

Suddenly self-consciousness was replaced by trepidation. But Lizzie forced herself to smile. Dr. Stone motioned for the Shelby’s to take a seat and Lizzie watched as Thomas pulled out Grace’s chair for her. The two shared a quick smile and Lizzie looked away. It was barely anything, but it had felt _intimate._ She turned her attention to Dr. Stone. The woman stood at the head of the table as the assistant passed out three folders.

“Alright, let’s get started. First off, Ms. Stark,” she said turning to face Lizzie, “This is Thomas and Grace Shelby. They are the couple that we felt would be best for you.” Then she turned to the Shelbys. “Mr. and Mrs. Shelby, this is Elizabeth Stark. She will be your surrogate. We have done an extensive background check on both parties, the results of which are in your folders. The contract you signed is included as well, for your records.”

Lizzie shifted a bit in her seat at the mention of background checks. She’d told them about her past, she had agreed to the check, but it still made her nervous knowing these fancy people would see her entire life laid out on paper. Mr. Shelby lifted his head and caught Lizzie’s eye. She forced herself to be still and focus back in on what Dr. Stone was saying. “We have already collected Lizzie’s ovum and it is ready for fertilization. That process will happen today after we collect Mr. Shelby’s sperm. At the end of this I’ll have the three of you sign a document stating that we went over all of this. And then in about three to five days Ms. Stark will come back in to have the embryos implanted.”

It all sounded so clinical. She’d known that, of course. She’d done the homework and all the reading. She’d even gone to see a lawyer about what rights she did and didn’t have during the pregnancy. But sitting there in that white room with the frosted windows, Lizzie couldn’t help feeling… Honestly she didn’t know what she was feeling. She heard Dr. Stone ask if there were any questions and she shook her head. She knew what happened next.

“Alright then. Mr. Shelby you can follow Erin and she’ll take you to a private room. A nurse will give you instructions.” Lizzie felt an absurd bubble of laughter rising. The idea of a nurse having to tell a man how to handle himself seemed a bit hilarious for some reason. But she bit her tongue and kept her head down until the man was out of the room. “Now that it’s just us ladies,” Dr. Stone continued, “I think it would be good for you ladies to discuss things. I’ve found that the women have the hardest time figuring out their roles in each other’s lives during this process. So I’ll leave you two to chat.”

Then she was gone, and Lizzie was alone with Grace.

-

_She’s pretty._

It was the first thing that had entered into Grace’s head as she walked into the conference room. The second was that this baby wouldn’t have any features that could be ‘from’ Grace. She hadn’t really thought about it before, but perhaps subconsciously she had assumed the clinic would find a blond woman. Or at least someone with the same eye color that Grace had. But no, instead here was this green eyed, raven-haired, beauty.

A sliver of insecurity had threatened to rise when she saw Elizabeth Stark. Thomas had always preferred dark-haired women. It was something that his family never seemed to let her forget. And every woman who had ever impressed Thomas, especially in business, had dark hair. Most times it didn’t bother her- this obvious inclination her husband had. Most of the time she simply reminded his family that _she,_ and not these _others,_ had been the one Thomas married. But today- the day she felt so lacking as a wife and a woman- all she could see was dark hair.

Of course, Thomas barely glanced at Ms. Stark. Grace knew that he had no interest in the woman. And to be fair, the woman kept her focus on Dr. Stone. But insecurity was not logical. So when Dr. Stone had left them alone to ‘chat’ Grace found herself trying desperately to keep all of the anxiety she felt from showing.

“So,” the other woman started. “Is there anything you want to ask me?” Grace fixed her eyes on the woman across from her. Her voice was soft, but her speech was more like Thomas’ when he was tired. Opening the folder, Grace skimmed the neatly printed words until she found what she was looking for. _‘Place of Birth: Small Heath, Birmingham.’_ She preferred to be called Lizzie, the paper said. “I have a few for you, if that’s alright?”

Again Grace met Lizzie’s eyes. “Of course. What don’t you understand?” She could hear it- the ice that had crept into her voice. It was the tone she used in boardrooms and closed-door meetings with men who had too much power. And Lizzie didn’t like it. But for some reason Grace couldn’t bring herself to regret her tone.

“It says in the contract that I’ll be living in your guest house during the pregnancy.” Lizzie paused for a moment and Grace wondered if it was to collect her thoughts or to keep from running out of the room. “But it also said that if, once we met properly, either party wanted to renegotiate that…”

Grace arched a brow. “Are you suggesting that we let you live somewhere separate from us?” And she hated that she could _hear_ her mother in her own voice. But it was a ridiculous idea. Surely Ms. Stark could see that. An incredulous smile came to Grace’s lips. “How would we know if something happened? This is not your child, Ms. Stark. This is mine and my husband’s child. Why would we allow a stranger to just go off with our baby?”

A flash of defiance showed in Lizzie’s eyes. She had sat up straighter in her chair, leaning forward a bit. “I understand your concern. But what exactly do you think I’m going to be doing at my place? Snorting blow and having orgies?” Grace’s nose crinkled at the mental image. “Listen, Mrs. Shelby, I’ll come by and visit every day. You’ll be at every appointment. But I don’t think it would be good to live so close together. I don’t want to get attached.”

She was trying to manipulate her. Grace could hear it. She could see it. But it didn’t make Lizzie’s point any less valid. And the last thing Grace needed was for Lizzie to decide that she wanted to fight for custody of this baby. Still, the idea of her not being just a walk across the lawn from her child… “No. I’m sorry, but no. Not this early. Maybe toward the third trimester-“

“I’ll be huge and tired and it’ll be too much trouble to move by then.”

But Grace didn’t back down. She couldn’t- not with this. She stared the other woman down, neither willing to give up their positions. But Grace had years of experience getting her way. And Lizzie Stark was not going to change that. “We’ll hire movers. You’ll never lift a finger except to get into the car when everything is finished.”

Lizzie lifted her chin and Grace prepared herself to fight whatever argument came next. Only one never came. Lizzie nodded slowly and leaned back in her seat. “Alright. No later than the start of the third trimester.” Then she stood up and walked out of the room. Grace sat at the table, heart pounding. _She gave up too easily._ She had put Grace on the backfoot, as Thomas would say, and she didn’t like it.

Mostly she wondered if she’d just ruined a chance at getting through this in peace.

-

Grace was alone when Tommy got back. And she was upset. He could tell by the stiffness of her shoulders and the tilt of her head as she stood at one of the windows. He had seen the doctor on his way back to the little conference room. She told him that Grace and the woman- Ms. Stark- were having a chat. It had sounded friendly enough, but still he’d picked up his pace. And now he was glad he had.

“What happened?”

Grace turned from the window to face him and Tommy could see the fear she’d pushed away was back. “I just-“ Grace took a deep breath. “I think I’ve started something. Between me and the surrogate.” Tommy tilted his head in confusion. Grace’s shoulders slumped and Tommy watched her blink back tears. “She wanted to stay at her own place. Simple enough, right? And I said no. No, Tommy, don’t look like that. I told her ‘no’ the way my mother told you she wouldn’t be able to come to the wedding.”

Tommy winced at that. Mrs. Burgess has made no effort to hide how much she hated Tommy and his family and the fact that he had married her daughter. She hadn’t come to the wedding. And when she announced as much, she had been cold and disdainful and the most well-spoken bitch that Tommy had ever dealt with. And now Grace was telling him she’d treated the surrogate that way?

“Alright. So you were a bit cold to her. Why? We said it would be fine if she didn’t live with us. It’s in the contract that living arrangements were negotiable.” He hadn’t wanted to have any new people on their property- not even in the guest house. And Grace hadn’t seemed so set on it either. “I read the file, there’s nothing in there that says she shouldn’t be on her own.”

Grace rolled her eyes in exasperation. It was something she didn’t do often. “I know, Thomas. But I just hate the idea of her having our baby so far from us. I mean, we don’t know her. What if she smokes? What if she drinks and the baby is born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.” Tommy held in a sigh. He knew Grace- she didn’t think any of those things would happen. She was just nervous and trying to keep as much control as possible. It was something he’d done far too often to not see the signs.

Coming around the table, Tommy set his hands on Grace’s shoulders. “Stop. I didn’t want her at the house to begin with. But you agreed, if she wanted to stay at her own place she could.” His arms went around his wife and Tommy held her tight. “We’ve got her number. We’ll call, invite her to lunch one day. You can apologize-“ Grace scoffed and Tommy shook his head with a smile. “You can apologize and then the three of us can figure out the living situation. No big deal. Alright?”

He pulled back to see Grace’s face. Her lips were set in a pout and her eyes were red-rimmed, but she was still beautiful. “Yes, that’s fine.” She lifted up and gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you for calming me down. Thank you for all of this. I love you, you know?”

“I know. Now come on. We’ve got reservations for dinner.”

-

_Four Days Later_

Lizzie had just walked in the front door when her phone rang. Fishing it out of her pocket, her brows scrunched together as she looked at the unfamiliar number. It had been a long day. She had taken the day to go to the library and read up on what to expect during the first three months of pregnancy. It had been information overload. And then she had gone to the clinic for them to implant the embryos. It had been fairly easy, but now she couldn’t’ stop thinking about the fact that this was all real now. More real than it had been when it was just talk and paperwork.

So she wasn’t really in the mood for a bill collector or one of those scam calls telling her she’d won a free vacation to Aruba. So she tossed her phone on the sofa and made her way to the kitchen. There wasn’t much in it- rent came first these days. But that would change soon. The clinic had given her a check as she left from the Shelbys. It was to cover her food, rent, and utilities for the month- until it was confirmed that a baby would be showing up in approximately nine months. 

Standing at her mostly empty refrigerator, Lizzie pulled out the milk and a carton of strawberries. Turning to grab a glass from the cupboard, the sound of her ringtone came again. Setting the milk and berries on the counter she rushed back to the living room and snatched up her phone and answered. “Hello?”

“Is this Elizabeth Stark?” Lizzie tensed at the deep voice on the other end. It was the last voice she expected to hear. She pulled the phone from her ear and looked at the screen. The same number from a minute ago was on the display. Quickly she put the phone back to her ear. “Yes, this is she.”

There was a pause on the other end and she thought she heard someone else speaking in the background. “Good. This is Tommy Shelby. My wife and I were wondering if you’d like to join us for dinner one day this week.” Lizzie blinked, then blinked again. She hadn’t expected that. And she really couldn’t understand why _Mrs. Shelby_ would want to see her. “Ms. Stark, are you there?” Mr. Shelby asked, a hint of impatience in his tone.

“Yes, sorry. I’m here. Um..” _God, Lizzie, just fucking say no._ Because she really didn’t want to see them before she’d gone back to the clinic. She wanted as much of her freedom as she could get before their lives became enmeshed. “Sure. I mean, that would be fine. Do you have a day in mind?” She hadn’t needed to read the file Dr. Stone had given her to know that the Shelbys had very busy lives. They might try to make it sound like this was all spur of the moment, but Lizzie knew better.

Another pause, then the click of someone typing. “Wednesday at six?” Lizzie got the feeling that she was not the one that question was being directed to. Not that it really mattered. She didn’t feel like she had much of a say in all of this anyway. Especially after how things had gone at the clinic with Grace. “So does six o’clock Wednesday work for you, Ms. Stark?”

“You can just call me Lizzie. And yes, that works fine. Where should I meet you?” She hoped it wasn’t anywhere too pricey. She didn’t want them to pay for her, but she also hated pretending she wasn’t hungry at places simply because she couldn’t afford more than water. So of course the place Mr. Shelby named was a fancy restaurant downtown. “Sounds good. See you then,” she replied, stomach twisting itself into knots.

“And Lizzie? Call me Tommy.”

Lizzie mumbled her assent and quickly got off the phone. She looked back at the screen, brain still processing the last…three minutes and twenty-six seconds. _‘Call me Tommy’_ he’d said. Tommy- such an innocent sounding name. A name that made you think of little boys running after a ball or the shy kid in high-school who was always really sweet. But somehow when Mr. Shelby said it, all those thoughts disappeared. Instead you were left with that old school Mafia vibe. Darkness and danger wrapped up in every syllable.

“Great, Liz, just great. You’ve really stuck yourself with quite the pair, haven’t you?”

-

Tommy motioned for the waiter to bring him another whiskey.

So far dinner had been awful. Lizzie had arrived on time, dressed appropriately, if not quite up to the usual price standards for the place. She had been nervous, but tried to hide it. And Tommy had been sure that once they got settled at their table things would begin to smooth over.

He did not expect Grace to insult Lizzie’s dress. He didn’t expect to hear his wife- who had been completely apologetic before getting to the restaurant- turn into her mother the minute Lizzie arrived. And he didn’t expect to have to make small talk to cover the tension. He wasn’t good at small talk. It was always Grace who handled things like that when business required playing nice with people.

He’d given up two whiskeys ago. Instead he sat and watched as Grace ate her meal and Lizzie sipped at the lemonade she’d ordered. He’d told her he was paying- to order what she wanted. She’d refused. It’d been a while since Tommy had been broke. But not long enough that he forgot how fucking annoying it was to take handouts. So he didn’t push the issue.

But it had been almost an hour and the tension was starting to aggravate him. So, Tommy reached over and took Grace’s hand, ignoring his wife’s questioning look, before turning to Lizzie. “So, Lizzie, we asked you here because we wanted to get some things settled.” He felt Grace tense beside him while he watched Lizzie stiffen in her seat. Tommy didn’t miss the way her eyes slid to Grace for a moment. “I believe things may have gotten off to a bad start.”

“Yes,” Grace said, “I think there were misunderstandings on both sides.” There hadn’t been- not from what Grace had told Tommy. But he kept his thoughts to himself. “Ms. Stark, _Lizzie_ , I hope you know that I wasn’t trying to force you into anything. I just feel so protective of my baby already.” Lizzie didn’t respond. “I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Lizzie reached for her glass and took a sip of her lemonade. Tommy could see her thinking. He knew she was trying to decide if Grace had meant what she said. Not that it really mattered. The papers were signed, she had gone to the clinic to have the embryos implanted. This was happening. But he didn’t want Grace upset. And he didn’t want to have to fight for custody of this baby. So he wanted the two women to play nicely.

Setting her glass back down Lizzie looked at Grace. “I’m glad you feel so protective. It’s nice, knowing that this baby will be taken care of. And I hope that we can get through this whole thing without any problems. So I will stay until the end of the second trimester.” She turned to Tommy. “But I still think it would be better if I stayed at my own place from the beginning. Like I told Mrs. Shelby, I’ll visit every day and you are going to be at the doctor’s appointments anyway. So I don’t see why I need to live on your property.”

“But,” Tommy turned to Grace. “As _I_ explained to _you,_ it’s a matter of safety and knowing what is happening with our child,” Grace said. “You obviously have financial issues. And in your background check it said that you’ve been in trouble a few times. I just need to know that you aren’t going to do anything that could harm my baby.”

Tommy stared at Grace. They had talked about this. They had gone over how things would go at the dinner. And she’d gone off course from the minute Lizzie arrived. He tossed back the rest of his whiskey and tried to think of a way to salvage this. But he could see it in his wife’s eyes- she’d dug in her heels. “Grace.” She turned to face him, eyes bright with defiance. “We agreed, yeah? We wouldn’t force anything.”

He felt Lizzie’s eyes on him. It made him uncomfortable- having someone see him and Grace like this. He didn’t like people seeing the inner workings of his marriage. But it couldn’t be helped. Not this time. “It’s fine. Alright? It’s fine. But I’m still going to need rent money. I’ll need to still have a place after this is all over with.” Tommy reluctantly looked away from Grace. The woman facing him had just as much defiance in her eyes as his wife, but her shoulders were slumped in defeat. It was an odd sight.

“Can you be ready to move by Wednesday after next?” It was two weeks, and Tommy didn’t think Grace would wait much longer. And he just wanted this whole thing to be over. He had business that needed his attention and he couldn’t referee between his wife and the surrogate. Lizzie tensed, but nodded. For the first time Tommy wondered just how bad off she was to be going through with all of this. “Movers will be at your apartment on the day, then.”

He saw the waiter and motioned for the bill.

-

“What the fuck was that?”

Grace winced. “I know. Thomas, I know. She just-“

“Just what? Showed up on time? Ordered a drink? Agreed to what you fucking wanted?” She bit her lip. She hated fighting with Tommy. It didn’t happen often. They understood each other too well for that, usually. But this whole thing was increasing Grace’s anxiety. “You were meant to apologize. The whole point was to smooth things over so we don’t have problems later.”

Grace felt a spike of fear at those words. It would be so easy for Ms. Stark to sue for custody. It would be so easy for her to terminate the contract- abort the baby. And Grace knew she wasn’t helping matters. If anything she was making things worse. But she couldn’t seem to help it. “I’m just scared, Thomas.”

Her husband looked over at her from the driver’s seat. But instead of the usual softness and love, Grace found Tommy’s face tight with annoyance and his eyes cooler than they’d been with her in a long time. “You can’t let that matter. You can’t let the fear get into your head and muck it up. We had a plan. You broke from the plan, Grace. And _that_ \- that shit that happened back there? That’ll be what fucks this whole thing up in the end.”

The rest of the drive was silent. It was excruciating, mainly because Grace knew Tommy was right. But that insecure part of her couldn’t let herself care. She couldn’t admit it, not to him. Not when he was defending that woman. It shouldn’t feel like this. None of this should feel the way it did. Grace should be happy. Tommy should be happy. They should be planning for a baby to arrive, not fighting over the woman who was carrying said baby.

But…She saw the way Lizzie had watched Thomas. Grace had seen something in her eyes that made her wonder. Something that made her want to hold him tighter, closer. And she’d seen the way Thomas had looked at Lizzie- there had been an understanding there. When Lizzie had only ordered lemonade, when she had politely declined to let Tommy pay for her meal- he’d looked at her like he recognized something in her. It was something Grace didn’t recognize and she hated it- that small thing that Thomas and this woman shared.

The car pulling to a stop brought Grace out of her troubling thoughts. They were home. The sun was just setting behind the house and it cast a golden glow over everything. It was beautiful- perfect. Thomas had picked it for her as a surprise and she had fallen in love with it immediately. And every time she returned, no matter how upset or scared or hurt she might be, seeing it always made Grace smile. But not this time. This time her eyes went to the guest house to the left of the property- almost out of sight.

“She’s going to live there, Thomas. She’d going to be right there.” She felt her husband’s eyes on her. It wasn’t comforting like she had grown accustomed to. This time his gaze was too heavy. “It feels too close. But I can’t stand the idea of her being a step farther away. God, I wish…” But it didn’t matter what she wished. Her wishes hadn’t come true even after all the money and the medicine and the tears.

Thomas got out and walked around to the passenger’s side. He opened her door like always, and gave her his hand to help her out of the car. But the warmth of his hand was gone as soon as she was securely on her feet. He closed the door and went into the house- without her. The only other time he’d done that was the night Ada had gone missing. He’d run in to make calls- to find his baby sister.

This time he just didn’t want to be near his wife.


	2. Two

_Day 1_

Lizzie sat in the moving truck watching men carry her life into the Shelby guest house. It wasn’t much- she’d barely had enough to fill the small truck. But the men acted as if she’d the crown jewels tucked away in those boxes. Or perhaps her clothes were couture instead of from the clearance racks. It was odd, and more than a bit uncomfortable, knowing her little things would be living inside such a nice place. Even if it was only for a few months. 

But it was easier to imagine her clothes and books and trinkets in the house than it was imagining herself in it. It seemed wrong somehow, like she was playing a trick. She’d always known her place in the world, always known she’d not be anyone important or do much that would matter. She’d wake each day, go to work, pay her bills, and then maybe one day she’d find a man to settle down with. Maybe one day she’d have a kid or two. It hadn’t been her dream- not really. But she’d figured it in, just in case. The future had always been murky on those types of details. But the one she was sure of was that she’d live, work, and then die. And the world wouldn’t miss her or know the difference. 

So yeah, it left Lizzie feeling a bit off to know she’d be living in such a fancy house. She glanced out the side window and tensed when she caught sight of Tommy Shelby walking towards the moving truck. Taking a quick breath, Lizzie waited as the man made his way to her window. He didn’t knock. He didn’t even turn his head to look at her. But she knew he was there to talk to her. And somehow she knew he’d stay there until she acknowledged him.

The window hadn’t stopped lowering before he turned to face her. “Nothing broken?” She shook her head. “Good. Have you been in?” She shook her head again. He gave a slow nod. “Right. You plan on going in?” Lizzie shot him a sharp look. It wasn’t like she had much of a choice- not after she’d just had all her things moved over. But Tommy ignored her glare. She’d a feeling it was something he did often- ignored things. “Come on, then. I’ll show you around.”

It wasn’t a question, so Lizzie didn’t respond. Instead she opened the door of the truck, ignoring the weight of Tommy’s gaze as she hopped down. It took another deep breath before Lizzie started walking, the idea of stepping inside that house making her skin prick with nerves. But Tommy wasn’t patient and Lizzie wasn’t one to hide when there was someone to see her do it. 

“Its…nice,” she started, taking in the place. Tommy let out a grunt beside her. She took it as agreement, but who really knew. But as she took in the house, she realized that aside from the size and the neat landscaping, it really was a nice house. It was one storey- she was sure they called it a bungalow. There were big windows and a nice porch with chairs and a table. Two small windows were set above the front door on either side. Blue-grey paint with white trim around the windows and door. And curtains in the windows. Lizzie’d didn’t much like curtains- reminded her of her mother. Still, it made the house seem light and welcoming, even if she wasn’t truly welcome. 

The inside was lovely. All warmth and light. It was the kind of place Lizzie might have dreamed of once- before things got so bad. It was dark wood floors with blue and cream colored furniture. The walls were paneled from the floor to about waist high, with pale blue paint going up the rest of the wall. And it was all so big and open. The kitchen was nice, though she wasn’t much good at cooking. And there was a dining area that she knew she’d never use- not when there was such a cozy little window seat facing a side garden. Everything was modern, but somehow felt liked she’d stepped back in time a bit. 

“So it’ll do, then?” Lizzie turned from where she’d been heading down the hall. Tommy stood just inside the house, hands in the pockets of his dress pants and he leaned against the wall. Lizzie nodded. “Only one bedroom, on the right. Bath’s on the left.” A quick peek around an open door showed the bedroom. Just as nice as the rest of the place. Still too nice for her. “Long way from Small Heath, eh?”

“Not much different. No money there, no money here, same problems everywhere.” There was a sound, but Lizzie wasn’t sure if it was a cough or a laugh. Didn’t really care. She turned and walked into the bathroom. Clean and tidy with a glass shower and nice towels. “But…I guess for you it’d be a nice change. Leaving and being better for it, I mean.” 

“There’s stairs at the back, up to the attic.” Lizzie jumped at how close Tommy’s voice was. Her eyes went to the mirror. Tommy stood in the doorway and their eyes met through the mirror. His face was just as expressionless as always, but his eyes seemed a bit cooler than they’d been. She hadn’t really thought that possible. “There’s a car in the garage out back. Use it whenever. Key’s in the drawer at the front.” 

Then he was gone. 

Lizzie stood for another second staring through the mirror at the now empty doorway. Then she blinked and started after him. He was just getting around to the truck when she got to the door. “Hey!” Tommy stopped. “Just- I mean-“ He turned around to face her properly and Lizzie almost wished he hadn’t. Even from where she stood she could see a bit of something that might have been…She wasn’t sure what it was- she just knew she didn’t like it. “Thanks. For showing me around.” There were a hundred other things she wanted to say, but none of them came out. She was glad of it. 

Tommy glanced at the house behind her, then set his blue eyes back on Lizzie. Eyes were the window to the soul, they said. But his eyes were so empty, like nothing was inside. There was, though- something inside of him. And whatever it was, made Lizzie curious. He blinked, head tilting forward in a slight nod. And for a moment she thought she caught something- something light or curious or… 

He turned and was gone.   
-  
Tommy came back two days later. 

He had two big plates wrapped up with two smaller plates stacked on top. Lizzie barely had a chance to open her mouth before he’d pushed into the house and headed for the dining table- the one she hadn’t used yet. “Come. Sit.” For some reason Lizzie found herself doing both. She watched as Tommy took his seat, unwrapped the plates and set one of each in front of her. “Why’d you leave Small Heath?”

Lizzie tensed. She hadn’t known what to expect from this surprise visit, but it hadn’t been that. She didn’t like it. But he stayed silent while those cold blue eyes bored into her from across the table. Lizzie looked at the plate in front of her. There were no forks. She got up from her chair and moved into the kitchen, dug around in the drawer for to forks and two knives, grabbed a few napkins as well. Carefully, she folded the cutlery into the napkins- like when she’d been a waitress. She set one set down beside Tommy, careful not to stand too close. Then moved back around the table to her seat. 

“Lizzie.”

Her eyes went to his again. Same blue. Same coldness. Only now there was that hint of annoyance that told her his patience was running thin. She wasn’t surprised- he didn’t seem to have much to begin with. “Parents were dead. Boyfriend started leaving bruises where people could see. No one was hiring.” She shrugged. “Figured it was time to move on.” 

His face didn’t change. To read his expression you wouldn’t know she’d told him anything at all. Especially not anything that meant something. But it might have been him ignoring things he didn’t like again. Glossing over it like it never was. “Ever think of going back?” _No_. The answer seemed obvious to her. Why would she go back when there was nothing and no one to go back to?

“Why’d you leave?” She didn’t expect an answer. Tommy Shelby didn’t seem like the kind of man to answer questions. Especially not questions about himself. But if he could ask, then so could she. “I looked you up. Says you’ve got brothers and a sister back in Birmingham. Says there’s an aunt and an uncle, too.” She watched a line of tension tighten his shoulders and the corners of his mouth. His eyes got colder.

“Eat your food, Lizzie.”

She didn’t. Neither did he. And not another word passed between them. She was still sat at the table- four plates untouched- when he stood and left. The door closing let her heart finally settle. The sound of the clock ticking helped clear her head. But it was still a long while before she could move. Then it came to her- that feeling she got when things were about to change. And somehow she knew this was the first of many nights with Tommy Shelby.   
-  
 _Day 36_

Tommy held his hands clasped loosely in front of him. He didn’t look to the clock- knew what time it was. He was late. The meeting had been an emergency. So he’d sat and listened and waited. But his phone had vibrated twice now. He knew Grace was waiting for him- knew that the surrogate was probably already at the doctor’s. But here he was, ignoring his wife’s calls to listen to his men tell him shit he didn’t really care about. Things they should have been able to handle without him. 

“…alright, Mr. Shelby?”

He nodded. didn’t know what the fuck he’d agreed to, but if it meant he got out of the office and to the doctor before the appointment ended, he’d worry about it later. “Get it in writing and have it on my desk by tomorrow,” he said while he stood up, straightening his suit jacket as he did. Morris nodded while the rest also stood up, preparing to leave. Dismissing them all from his mind Tommy turned and left.

Stepping out of the conference room and into his office, Tommy pulled out his phone. Four texts and two calls- all from Grace. He read the last text but didn’t bother reading the others or listening to the voicemails. Picking up his keys and wallet, he walked out barely stopping to let his secretary know he’d be out the rest of the day. Then he was outside and getting into his car. 

His phone rang as he pulled onto the street. He didn’t bother to check the Caller I.D. It’d be Grace’s name in the screen, he knew. “I know. Got stuck in a meeting. But I’m on my way now.” It was always best to get the first word in when his wife was upset. She didn’t get angry with him often, but things had been different since Lizzie had come- since he’d started having dinner with her a few times a week. 

There was a moment of silence that lasted a bit too long. Then, “Mr. Shel- Tommy?” His eyes went to the screen on his dashboard. _Lizzie Stark_ was the name on display where _Grace_ should have been. “Um, yeah. It’s over. Things are going fine, doctor said. Mrs. Shelby- well, she drove me. But she’s gone now and I-“

“Grace left you at the doctor?”

There was a long beat of silence. That was answer enough. Lizzie may not like Grace, but Tommy had never heard a bad word towards his wife come from the woman’s mouth. “Just thought maybe I’d stay at my apartment tonight. Give everybody a little space from each other.” She lived in the guest house. There was plenty of space between where Lizzie stayed and Grace. But Tommy kept quiet. “Thought I’d just…tell someone,” she finished, hint of what sounded like annoyance in her voice. He didn’t’ ask.

“Yeah, alright.” He saw her before she saw him. She was sat across from the doctor’s office, at the bus stop. “Not letting you take the bus, though.” He pulled to a stop as she looked around in surprised confusion. It made her look younger, softer than she usually did. Then a barely there smile pulled at the corners of her mouth and he imagined a little girl with his eyes and that smile. He coughed a little, ended the call and leaned over to open her door for her. 

He’d never thought of what features she might give to his child. He knew, of course he knew, that the kid wouldn’t look like Grace. It hadn’t been a conscious thing, though- the knowing. But now, in that split second, he realized. His kid would have features that looked like Lizzie. It left an odd feeling in his gut. Like he’d cheated on Grace somehow by having a baby with this woman’s genes. But also a bit of something else, something he couldn’t put a name to. 

The door closed and Lizzie pulled on her seatbelt. It was the distraction he needed to make the thoughts in his head go quiet. He pulled out into traffic and headed towards Lizzie’s apartment. He knew where it was- had driven by once. Before they’d met at the clinic- before things were what they were now. Knew what the inside looked like, though he’d never set foot inside. Places like that all looked the same. Windows painted shut; too hot in summer, too cold in winter. Broken sinks, faulty wiring, and rent too high. It was why he’d fought so hard to get out- clawed his way to the top with bloody hands and blackened soul.

“Thanks for this. I just… Thanks.” 

He didn’t look at her. Somehow knew she wouldn’t like it. He was learning her, Lizzie. He had picked up on the way she’d cut herself off when she was nervous. Noticed how she kept her head up when the staff gave her sideways looks. Watched her meet Grace’s eyes with some strange mix of deference and defiance. He didn’t like that look. Didn’t like that he usually agreed with Lizzie more than Grace when that look came out. 

The rest of the drive was quiet. Grace didn’t call or text. Lizzie kept her face turned out her window. And Tommy let himself think about work- deals and strategy. Anything to keep his mind off of the mess that his personal life seemed to be becoming. So it was only Lizzie’s quiet voice reminding him to turn that kept him from driving on past her apartment. He parked the car and watched as Lizzie stared out at the dirty brick building. “I’ll walk you up.”

“No. My landlord’s watching. Don’t want him to see you.” Tommy turned and caught sight of the rough looking man standing by a side door. He didn’t like the look of him. Didn’t like the way he stared at Lizzie as she got out of the car. She took a step away from the car before turning back. “Thanks again,” she said. He nodded slowly, eyes going back to the landlord. 

Lizzie walked into her building ignoring something the man said. Then the landlord was walking over to Tommy’s car. He rolled his window down as the man stopped beside the car. “Always knew she’d give it up for the right price.” Tommy kept his face blank. “Trust me, she’s easy on the eyes, cunt tastes like sugar-” Tommy’s eyes narrowed as a burst of anger flared in his chest. “-but she’s got razor blades hidden behind that sweet exterior.”

Reaching over to his phone Tommy dialed a number, putting it on speaker. “I want two men to Lizzie Stark’s address. No one goes near her. If anybody tries… You know how to deal with it.” He disconnected the call and turned back to the landlord. The man was glaring at Tommy, but there was a hint of fear behind his eyes. “Ms. Stark is not your concern. If you forget that, I will make you my concern.”

“And who the fuck are you, anyway?”

Tommy didn’t answer. There was no point. The man would know his name soon enough. Then he’d wish he didn’t. He pulled out of the drive. He saw the landlord standing in the same place, face red with anger and eyes wide with fear. He caught a glimpse of Lizzie through her curtains. For a moment he wondered if he should stay a while longer- until his men came. For a moment he wondered what she was thinking. Then he reminded himself that whatever was between Lizzie and her landlord had nothing to do with him. 

It didn’t quite set right, but he kept driving.  
-  
The lights weren’t on at the guest house when he got home from work the next day. 

Pulling up in front of his house, Tommy watched as Grace stepped out to greet him. She always did. Even on nights like this, when her phone was pressed to her ear as she kissed his cheek. It didn’t matter what was happening- Grace was always there. It made him feel soft, almost weak, the way he lived for that bit of normalcy. But tonight it felt different- like something was missing. Nothing was, nothing had changed between him and Grace in the time between yesterday and that moment. But something was still off. 

Stepping into the house, Tommy shrugged out of his suit jacket and loosened his tie. He still wasn’t used to the clothes- even after having worn them for years. Sometimes it felt like he should still be in jeans and work boots, the sound of a forklift ringing in his ears. Sometimes he could smell the horse shit at his Uncle Charlie’s place. But those memories brought with them visions of his mother’s sad eyes and bruised skin, his father’s fist and loud voice. 

He wrapped his arm around Grace, moved them into his study, and held her to him. She didn’t fight him, didn’t question it. She knew where his head was at when he got like this. She tipped her head back to rest on his shoulder and he buried his face in the crook of her neck. He leaned them against his desk and still she kept talking to whoever was on the phone. But Tommy didn’t care- business was business. As long as he could still hold on to her, he didn’t care who she talked to. 

“Yes, that’s fine. Mhm, sounds good. Thank you. Goodnight.” She ended the call and turned to face Tommy. “Now. What happened?” He shook his head, fighting back a smile at the way she arched a brow at him. Her lips parted, no doubt to try and coax words out of him. But he kissed her before she could say anything. This was what he’d needed- this closeness that they had. It helped quiet the noise in his head. Only Grace had ever been able to do that. 

He pulled back, lifting his hand to cup her cheek. She was so much better than him, but he’d gotten her- stolen her from the proper men she was truly meant for. Whisked her away from the safety of her family and their money. Pulled her into his world and gotten her hands a bit dirty. But her soul- it was still pure and bright. He hadn’t tainted her yet. Sometimes he wanted to- just to make sure she was as bound to him as he was to her. It was that ‘devilment’ Pol said came from his father. He might use that in business- scheme and cheat and twist things to his will. But not with Grace. Tommy wouldn’t let any part of his father touch her- it was too dangerous. 

“Come back. I miss you.”

He smiled. Turned and sat in his chair, pulling Grace onto his lap. She settled in, fingers sliding through his hair. He drew circles on her thigh with his thumb. This was what he needed, what he looked forward to most after coming home. Only tonight there was still something inside him that wouldn’t settle. Some bit of his mind that still whispered to him. His eyes went to the window. The guest house was just barely visible. Still dark. The whisper came a bit louder, a bit clearer. Then a light came on and he caught a glimpse of Lizzie as she passed a window. His mind went quiet. He held Grace a bit tighter.

He kept his eyes on that one bright window.  
-  
 _Day 64_

The door seemed to be mocking her. Grace had been standing outside of the guest house for almost a full three minutes, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to knock. It felt wrong somehow- knocking when she owned the door and the house and the land it sat on. It seemed wrong when the woman inside was carrying the baby that Grace would be raising, loving, _cherishing_. She knew it was illogical- truly ridiculous, even. But she couldn’t help how she felt. She’d tried.

But as she stared at the door, she knew she couldn’t put this off any longer. Things were getting worse and the pregnancy had only just barely started. And if she were honest, which she did try to be, Lizzie Stark hadn’t done anything wrong. Not on the first day or any of the days since. And Grace…Well she was mature enough to admit that she’d been cold and rude when the poor girl didn’t deserve it. But even with that mature knowledge and the desperate desire to fix what she had broken, Grace still couldn’t make herself knock. 

Tommy was beyond annoyed with her over how she treated Ms. Stark. And things had only gotten more difficult between them after Grace had left her at the doctor a month ago. It hadn’t been out of spite- Grace truly had forgotten she’d brought the girl to the appointment. But Tommy… She couldn’t quite blame him for not trusting her word where Ms. Stark was involved. But his coolness towards Grace only made it that much harder to accept the woman- made it that much harder to push down her own insecurities and fears. _And really, did he have to defend her at every single turn? You’d think he was married to her and not me._

It was a petty thought, but one she’d found circling her mind far too often, recently. 

Suddenly the door swung open and Grace jerked back in surprise. The woman that brought out so many feelings in Grace stood with a blank expression on her face. Her green eyes gave none of her thoughts away, and it had a strange tension flowing into Grace’s body. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Shelby. Did you need something?” 

Her tone was polite, but still Grace felt a twinge of annoyance at Ms. Stark’s words. “I was hoping to catch you. I thought we should talk.” The dark-haired woman hesitated for the smallest moment, but it released some of the tension Grace had been feeling. Lizzie stepped aside. Grace stepped in. It was the same as it had always been once she entered the house. The décor was exactly how she had chosen it- though there were a few things that must have belonged to Ms. Stark. But overall, it left Grace with a feeling a security, knowing that even here she still held the power. 

“I was going to make tea.”

Grace turned slightly to meet Lizzie’s eyes again. It wasn’t an offer- Lizzie didn’t want Grace to have tea with her. But still Grace let a small, cool smile play on her lips. “Yes, that would be lovely.” She didn’t miss the way Lizzie’s fingers tightened as she turned toward the kitchen. Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Grace reminded herself of why she was doing this- why it all mattered. _My baby. The little child that Thomas and I will raise together._ It was the only thing that mattered.

Settling into the loveseat, Grace watched as Lizzie moved in the kitchen. She seemed comfortable, like she’d always been there. _She’ll be gone soon_. The thought brought little comfort. For all that Grace wished Lizzie Stark were a million miles away from here, she still wasn’t happy about the woman moving back to her own apartment for the last bit of the pregnancy. But she pushed those thoughts aside as Lizzie carried in two cups of tea.

Grace expected Lizzie to take the seat across from her- face her opponent head on. But instead, Lizzie chose the arm chair to Grace’s right. They both sipped their tea. Lizzie stared at the table, Grace stared at Lizzie. They both waited. She wanted Lizzie to speak first. She wanted to hold on to the position of power. But her tea was half gone and neither of them had said anything. Besides, she hadn’t come to make things harder. She had come to try and smooth things over. So Grace took a quick breath and set down her cup. 

“Thank you.” Grace paused. The words she had been ready to say dying on her tongue at Lizzie’s words. “I know that the clinic did most of the work matching us up, but… Well, you could have picked someone else. They didn’t have another couple lined up for me, so I would have been in trouble. But you picked me. And even though I didn’t agree at first, I’m glad you’re letting me stay here. So… Thank you.”

Grace watched the woman beside her. Lizzie’s eyes were clear. She hadn’t seemed manipulative or dishonest. As far as Grace could tell the woman meant what she had just said. And hearing it eased some of the fear that Grace had been carrying around. Fear that Lizzie was just waiting to sabotage Grace’s plans. And for the first time she looked at Lizzie- really _looked_ at her. She wasn’t a threat- she was just a girl doing a job. 

_A job you couldn’t do. The one job you should be able to do._

She shoved those thoughts away- like she always did. There was nothing she could do about her body. She’d tried. And it wasn’t Lizzie Stark’s fault. “You’re welcome.” The words didn’t come easily, but they were sincere for once. “This whole thing is nothing like I’d planned. And I reacted poorly. But I’d like for things to be better between us going forward.” Lizzie didn’t try to hide her skepticism and Grace didn’t blame her. Lizzie had no reason to trust her. But the tentative nod Lizzie gave loosened some of the tightness that had built underneath Grace’s ribs. “Good. I’m glad we could-“

A knock came at the door startled both women. Lizzie recovered faster though. Her eyes slid to Grace for a moment before she stood and went to the door. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to see her husband on the other side. Grace knew he met with Lizzie for dinner some nights. She knew he had been trying to make her feel comfortable, since Grace had…not. But still, hurt flared in her chest at the easy way Thomas entered the house- greeting Lizzie with a casual ‘Evening, Liz’. He’d never called Lizzie anything but ‘Ms. Stark’ when he and Grace spoke of her. She hadn’t thought the two were close enough for nicknames.

Thomas stopped when he saw Grace sitting in the living room. His face went blank for a moment and she watched s his eyes darted towards Lizzie. The hurt dug deeper. “Hello Grace. Didn’t think you’d be here.” She gave a slow nod, tried to keep her expression pleasantly neutral. Thomas started towards the kitchen again. “Didn’t bring you a plate, but you can have mine if you want.” 

Grace looked to Lizzie, who was still standing by the, now closed, front door. “No, darling, I think I’ll have dinner at home. Ms. Stark and I were finished chatting, anyway.” It wasn’t true. Everyone knew it wasn’t true. But her husband didn’t contradict her and Grace knew Lizzie wouldn’t. She watched as Thomas pulled out silverware and set it at the table. She wondered _exactly_ how often he had dinner here. She wondered if he ate when he was here… with _Liz_. He rarely ate dinner when he was at home. She wondered what else he did here that he didn’t at home.

And just like that, the feeling of hope- the feeling of possibility she had felt moments ago, evaporated. Standing, Grace walked over to her husband. His eyes came to rest on her, but she let hers go to Lizzie. She pressed her lips to Thomas’. Her left hand slid up from his waist to his chest. Her right hand came to rest on his cheek. And her eyes stayed on Ms. Stark. 

Lizzie looked away.

Grace pulled back. She strode away from her husband without a second glance. She moved past Lizzie as if she were a piece of furniture. Then she was out the door, walking across the perfectly manicured lawn towards her house. Her steps were even. Her shoulders relaxed. But her heart pounded in her chest. Tears stung her eyes. And all she could hear was his voice, her husband’s voice, calling that woman ‘ _Liz’_.


	3. Three

_Day 103_

He shouldn’t have let her go back. He should have sent someone. Or gone with her. But Lizzie never should have gone back to her apartment by herself. He leaned back in his chair, eyes tracking her every move. Her eyes were red, like she’d been crying. And there was a bruise peeking out from under the sleeve of her sweater. Wasn’t there that morning. Wasn’t there when the three of them went to the doctor, either. 

“You can stop watching me like that. It’s nothing.”

But it wasn’t nothing. She’d been living on his property for almost three and a half months. He’d sat at this table and had dinner with her more times than he cared to count. They’d talked. He’d seen bits and pieces of her. She’d seen bits and pieces of him. And even if none of that had happened, she was carrying his fucking child. 

And some prick had laid hands on her. 

Turning from the cabinet, Lizzie brought over a glass of whiskey and sat down. She didn’t give it to him. She kept the glass cradled between her hands, like holding it together was holding her together. He watched her tilt the glass one way, then the other. It should have bothered him that he knew what it meant. He shouldn’t know that was what she did when her head was in a dark place. There was a lot he shouldn’t know about Lizzie Stark.

“He was just mad.” Tommy’s fist tightened against his leg. “Doesn’t like to lose. Guess he thought…” Tommy knew what he’d thought. He’d thought that since she’d come back by herself, no one would care what happened to her. He’d thought that the rich man with the guards had found another cunt to fill. “Doesn’t matter. Not the first sore wrist I’ve had in my life.”

He hated that she said shit like that. Like it was her due because she’d lived it before. “He’s been dealt with. Won’t bother you again.” Her eyes finally left the whiskey and met his. A crease formed between her brows and her lips dipped into a frown. “Stop thinking. He got what he deserved. That’s the end of it.” It wasn’t. He still had to pay the judge, and talk to the warden. But it was the end of it for Lizzie. 

She slid the glass to him. He took it, tilted it one way then the other. Watched Lizzie’s eyes follow the movement of the liquor. “My mom…She’d always dig her nails in. Real deep, like she wanted my blood.” He forced himself to keep the glass moving. “She was always hissing at me. ‘ _Fucking useless, Lizbeth’. ‘ Should have got rid of you like I wanted’_. And always, her nails would be digging in.” 

He watched her leave him. Watched her slip back into the past, watched her become that girl from before. And he found himself talking- trying to bring her back to him. “Arthur Sr. hit Ada for breathing too loud, once. She was sick, couldn’t breathe through her nose. It pissed him off. So he hauled off at smacked her.” He could still see the shocked look on his sister’s face. Could still remember how still the room had gotten. “I went to help her off the floor. He had me by the throat before I got to her. ‘ _Fuck you’re doing? I put her on the floor, she stays on the fucking floor’._ ” He remembered how John, twelve years old, had stuck his thumb in his mouth. “Had rings around my neck for a week. The rest of my bruises you couldn’t see.”

Lizzie’s eyes found his. The green in them was dull in a way he wasn’t used to. But she was with him. She was there in his guest house _with_ him. Her hand slid across the table. She tapped her finger against the back of his hand. There and then gone. “Shit way to grow up.” He nodded. She leaned back in her seat, hand falling to her stomach- still mostly flat. “This one won’t grow up like that. This kid’ll get bruises from tripping over untied shoes and shit. Yeah?”

“Yeah. No fucking beatings and no sharp fucking nails.” Her eyes were watery, but Tommy knew she wouldn’t cry. Not in front of him. Not because of this. She was tough, Lizzie. She was tough and she was good. He picked up his glass and tossed back his drink. It burned going down, but he liked the burn. A pain of his choosing. His phone beeped. It was time for him to meet Grace. “You know what to do. Ice it, don’t use it too much.” Lizzie rolled her eyes, but there was a smile playing at her lips. 

He stood up and left her sitting at the table he knew she only used with him. He got in his car, pulled out of the drive. He thought about what she’d told him. He thought about what he’d said. He’d never told anyone else that story. Never told anyone much of anything about his childhood. Not even Grace knew. But to get Lizzie out of her own head… His chest went tight. He stopped at the end of his driveway. Ran his hand down his face, thumb and fingers pressing into his eyes. Dropping his hand his eyes went to the rearview mirror. Went back to Lizzie’s place. He thought of her little smile.

The tightness eased.

“Fuck.”  
-  
“Esme had the baby. Asked John if he’d told you, but the boy was barely awake.” Tommy leaned back in his chair as his aunt spoke. He’d known about John’s baby being born. There were pictures on social media. It’d been two weeks, but Tommy hadn’t expected to be told. Esme didn’t like him. John was shit at calling people. And the rest of his family would assume someone else had already told. “Cute kid. He’ll take after Esme when he’s older, but he’s got John’s nose and eyes.”

He was happy for his brother. It’d been an accident, but Tommy’d never heard his little brother more excited about anything. “I’ll be around for a visit soon. Got business to deal with nearby.” Pol scoffed. It was a sound he’d heard plenty of times in his life. But it always sounded a bit harsher over the phone. As if the anger she tried to hide from him in person was coming through. “Don’t know if Grace will want to leave the surrogate here alone.” 

Honestly, he wasn’t sure about a lot where Grace was concerned. He knew things we off between them. Had been since that day she’d shown up at Lizzie’s. She still kissed him and told him about her day and her plans. She still curled into his side at night. But there was some bit of distance that he couldn’t cross. Some wall that hadn’t been there before. 

“Ah, of course. Far be it for a grown woman to stay in a house by herself.”

Tommy ignored the sarcasm. Polly would never like Grace and Grace would never like Pol. But he didn’t care. “She’s protective. Nothing wrong with that.” Silence followed. It had scared Tommy when he was a boy, the way Polly used silence. It was never just quiet. It was more like a tool- a weapon. But he’d learned how to turn his silence into a weapon, too. And it’d been a long time since he’d let Pol intimidate him. 

Tommy turned to the window and looked out towards Lizzie’s place. He wasn’t sure when he’d started calling it that- when it had stopped being the guest house. She was sitting on the porch. He knew she was reading. She didn’t like to read indoors- said it made her head hurt. But she didn’t like being outside, so reading was the only time she sat on the porch. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth remembering the way her nose had scrunched up the first time he suggested sitting outside. 

“I’ve got to go. I’ll give John and Esme your best, hm?” He made a sound that could pass for agreement. His aunt sighed. “Something’s happening. I can feel it. This thing with Grace and this baby… Something’s changing. Watch yourself, Thomas. Don’t get dragged into something you can’t get out of.” She hung up before he could say anything else. Not that there was anything to say.

Movement caught his eye. Lizzie had stood up from her seat. Tommy watched as she stepped up to the porch rail, leaning against it. That tight feeling came again. He ignored it. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Turning away from the window he focused on the papers in front of him. His mind fell back into work- acquisitions and profit margins. He settled into distribution and stock prices. It was good- consuming- the risk, the potential for failure. There was no room for errors. One misplaced coma could cost him millions. One open-ended sentence could allow his opponents to bring him down. 

Business drowned out the noise in his head. It left no room for nightmares or memories. There was no space for fears or doubt. All there was were numbers and contracts and next steps. No phantom aches from wounds long healed. No echoes of gunshots. The sightless eyes of his mother couldn’t find him through the mountain of work. There was only focus and plans and success.

He glanced out the window over his shoulder. 

The tightness grew.  
-  
 _Day 139_

Lizzie burst into laughter. 

Legs tucked under her on the couch, she listened to the ridiculous lie Tommy had just told. She couldn’t believe she was sitting here with him like this. Couldn’t believe he’d agreed to play such a silly game as Two Lies and a Truth. But he had and if she didn’t know better she’d say he got some kind of sick pleasure from watching her almost piss herself laughing. 

“Tommy Shelby you never, not in your life, sang in a bar.” It wasn’t possible. The man was too serious. Even now, playing this game, he’d only barely let a smile slip once. And she couldn’t picture him on a stage anywhere, let alone a bar. He was too controlled for something like that. Though, the thought of it was enough to have her sides aching from laughter. 

Tommy sat on the seat beside her, arm resting along the back of the couch, expression just this side of pleased. “Well, Lizzie girl, for once you’d be wrong about me.” Lizzie froze. Her eyes shot to his. There was amusement in his blue eyes instead of the usual blankness. She’d have missed it a few months ago. She’d have been too nervous to look at him long enough to find it. But not now- now she’d seen him with his guard lowered a bit. His lips twitched up into a smirk. “Before my mum died. Me, my mate Freddie, and my brother John. We had a band. It was shit, but we’d sing at the pub some nights.” 

She shook her head, trying to imagine a young Tommy Shelby singing. “I’d have believed anything else but that,” she said, fighting back a laugh. Tommy lifted a brow and nodded towards her drink. Picking up her glass of orange juice she tipped it towards him, before taking a drink. “Never thought I’d see the day I played a drinking game with juice instead of liquor.” 

‘Never thought I’d be playing this game at all. Especially not with a pregnant girl.” 

She rolled her eyes. Her drink might have been alcohol free, but Tommy’s was not. He’d come in with a bottle of whiskey and carton of orange juice. She’d been able to tell from the way he’d looked that something was wrong. She didn’t ask. He’d tell her or he wouldn’t. And if he had enough whiskey in him, he might even tell her the truth. The urge to pee hit Lizzie all of a sudden. She let her head drop with a groan and stood up. “Be right back. Maybe you’ll tell me why you’re really here when I get back.” He wouldn’t, but she still let the idea float in his head. 

It should have felt strange, seeing Tommy like this- having him relaxed and easy in her living room. And it was. It still caught her off guard every time. But she was getting used to it, now. Since that first dinner, there hadn’t been a week that passed where he wasn’t at her house at least two nights a week. In fact, he spent more nights having dinner with her than he did at home. At first he’d been trying to make up for Grace. But eventually, after too many nights of sitting in silence and interrogating each other, they’d started actually talking to each other. Lizzie mostly did the talking, but still. She’d told him some of her secrets, he’d told her a few of his. 

They were learning each other. It was scary. She’d never been one to make friends easy. People got to know her and suddenly she was a thing to be used instead of a person. And Tommy was the type of man to use people without a care. He’d worm his way past someone’s walls and leave them a shattered mess at the end with barely a second glance. She knew it and he didn’t try to pretend he’d change. But she felt like she was seeing bits of him that no one else saw either. The parts he tried to forget most days. 

She finished her business and washed her hands. Her eyes went to her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed from laughing so hard. Her eyes were bright and happy. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen herself like this- not sober, anyway. _Get a grip, Lizzie. It doesn’t mean anythin_ g. She’d been telling herself that more and more lately. It wasn’t helping much. 

Stepping out of the bathroom, Lizzie made her way back to the living room. Tommy’s head was resting on the back of the couch. His eyes were closed, whiskey glass hanging carelessly from his fingers. She’d never seen him with his guard down like this. It…it was a nice thing to see. “You gonna fall asleep on my couch, Tom?”

“Hm. Could’ve sworn it was mine. Got the receipt for it somewhere.” She arched a brow when his eyes blinked open. His free hand came to rest over his eyes. She’d seen him do it before when he was stressed. But she kept quiet. He’d tell her if he wanted to tell her. She didn’t think he would tonight, though. Not enough liquor in him. “How’s my girl?” 

Lizzie clenched her fist to keep from putting her hand on her stomach. Sometimes, when he was relaxed like this, she’d forget. Sometimes, when his voice was whiskey-rough and his eyes were more ocean than ice, she’d forget. She’d forget this wasn’t really _her_ baby. She’d forget this wasn’t what things would be like. Sometimes it made her sad. Most times it made her anxious- wondering what her future would look like after all this. But mostly it forced her to fall back behind her walls- the ones Tommy seemed so good at getting through. “Your girl’s good,” she whispered. Clearing her throat she tried again. “Wants weird food sometimes still, but I hear that’s normal.” 

“Good. That’s good, Liz.”

She liked him calling her that more than she should. She liked a lot about the way Tommy was when he was here. She moved around the couch and sat down. Her glass had been refilled with juice and Tommy’s had more whiskey in it. “Don’t you think you should stop? It’s late. Grace’ll be wondering what’s keeping you.” She hated saying that woman’s name, but it was necessary. Sometimes she needed the reminder. Tommy wasn’t her friend. This wasn’t _their_ baby. She wasn’t permanent for him. Grace was the one he went home to. Didn’t matter who he ate dinner with. She’d leave and Grace would still be here.

“Grace…” he sighed.

Lizzie’s eyes shot over to Tommy. He suddenly looked exhausted. Like he’d been holding up the world for too long. For the first time Lizzie was sure he’d tell her what was wrong. And for the first time she was sure she didn’t want him to. “I think you should go, Tommy.” He blinked his eyes open, locked those blue eyes on her. She didn’t look away. Maybe she should have, but she didn’t. She let him see what she had been trying to keep hidden from them both. He took in a deep breath. That told her everything she needed to know. “Go home to your wife, Mr. Shelby.”

One slow nod, one moment of hesitation, then he was gone.

_Oh, Lizzie. What the hell have you gotten yourself into?_  
 _-_  
She’d read about this. Everything she’d read said to stay calm. Everything she’d read said not to panic. But she was- she was panicking. Because when she’d gone to the bathroom, she’d found blood. It didn’t seem like too much. But then she didn’t know how much was too much five months in. All she knew was blood was bad.

She called Tommy. 

It would have bothered her that he was the first person she thought of. It would have made her nervous how hearing his voice had settled her nerves a bit. It would have nagged at her that maybe she was too fucking attached to the man whose child she carried. But there was no room for any of those thoughts. There was just room for ‘ _Call Tommy. Get to the doctor. Please, God, don’t let me lose her’._

It seemed like time was playing a game- jumping and skipping about. One minute she was a lone, trying to ignore the slight pain in her belly. The next she was in Tommy’s car, Grace’s hand covering hers. Then she was at the hospital, nurses asking questions she somehow found the answers to. Between one blink and the next it felt like years passed, but still there was the pain and the panic.

“I have to ask you both to step out while the doctor examines her.”

Lizzie jerked, head twisting to find Grace and Tommy. Her eyes landed on Grace first. The fear in her eyes pierced through the haze of panic Lizzie had been trapped in. It wrapped itself around her and squeezed- made it hard to get a breath in. She’d forgotten again. She’d forgotten this was Grace’s baby. But the reminder didn’t stop the worry. It didn’t ease the fear that had slipped under Lizzie’s skin and into her veins. 

“I need to stay,” Grace said, voice strained and thready. “I need to be here if- I need to be here.”

The nurse said something. Grace frowned and said something back. But Lizzie didn’t hear it. Her eyes had found Tommy. He wasn’t beside Grace. He was in the chair next to Lizzie. She’d no idea how he got there, but she kept quiet so they wouldn’t notice. So they wouldn’t make him leave. “Hey, Liz.” His voice was soft, softer than she’d ever heard it. “You’re gonna be alright. Everything’s gonna be alright.” She wanted to believe him- she almost could. But then a pain came and the fear and panic drowned out his soft words. 

“I don’t want her to die. I don’t want her to die, Tom”

The nurse was still talking, saying words Lizzie couldn’t begin to make out. Then Grace was beside Tommy- eyes still frightened, body still tense. She couldn’t look at her- not in that moment. Not when the baby could be dying. Tommy’s rough hand grabbed Lizzie’s. “No one’s fucking dying, Lizzie. That baby’s not going anywhere, eh? You just breathe and let the doctor work.” She nodded, and even to her it seemed a bit frantic. But Tommy just squeezed her fingers. “Good. That’s good, Lizzie.”

Then Grace’s hand was on his shoulder and the nurse was talking again. Then he was standing up, his hand sliding free of her grip. Tears she hadn’t notice slipped down her cheeks. Her fingers trembled with the loss of his warmth. Then he was gone, walking out the door with Grace. The doctor had come in at some point. She was saying something- maybe asking a question. But Lizzie didn’t know. She didn’t fucking know. All she knew was there was blood and there was pain and she’d never been so scared in her life. 

The nurse pulled the curtains.

Lizzie closed her eyes.

Then she prayed  
-  
 _Day 178_

The room was dark. The clock on her nightstand said it was after two in the morning. There were crickets outside of the window. And Thomas was lying next to her. He was having a nightmare. She knew from the tension in his body and the harshness of his breathing. Usually she’d roll over and wrap herself around him. Usually she’d run her fingers through his hair and remind him she loved him. But not this time. This time she couldn’t force herself to breach the distance between them- couldn’t stand to be close to him.

It’d been happening slowly for a while. A little bit more each day. She hadn’t even meant to do you- hadn’t wanted this at all. But she couldn’t stop it- this wall she’d created. Brick by brick, it’d gotten taller and taller, thicker and thicker. And it was so strange. Because she could see everything- she could see Thomas trying to reach her. She could see him pulling away each time she pushed him back. It’s what he did to protect himself- leave before the other person left him. 

But she didn’t _want_ to leave him. She didn’t want him to leave her. She just wanted to get through this pregnancy. She wanted to hold their baby. She wanted Lizzie Stark gone so everything could go back to how it was. But each day felt harder and colder and never-ending. It felt like Lizzie would never leave. The baby would never come. Thomas would never be solely hers again. Or maybe she’d never be his again- this wall too strong to break though or tear down.

A murmur from beside her brought Grace out of her thoughts. But it wasn’t a reprieve. Instead it took her to a month ago. In the hospital. She’d been asking the doctor question after question. She’d been trying to understand what had happened, what had caused Lizzie’s bleeding. She’d wanted information, knowledge, _control_. But there hadn’t been an answer. So she’d gone back to the room they’d put Lizzie in. She’d peeked through the window and felt her hear crack in her chest. 

Lizzie had been awake- just barely it seemed. Her face was pale, there were tear tracks on her cheeks- from pain or fear or both. But her eyes had been clear. She’d looked content- like nothing could hurt her. And when Grace could catch her breath and let herself look, she’d understood why. Thomas sat in the seat beside the bed. His eyes were closed, but Grace knew he wasn’t sleeping. He was relaxed and sure of himself and the world- a feeling Grace found herself envying. 

His hand was holding Lizzie’s- his thumb brushing back and forth across the back of her pale hand. He was saying something. Grace could barely make out the sound of his voice. But she recognized that tone. It was low and warm and soothing- like when the two of them whispered to each other in bed. It was the same voice that had whispered ‘ _Marry me, Grace_ ’. It was the voice that said _‘I love you whether we have a dozen babies or none_ ’. It was the voice that she’d thought no one else would ever hear again after her. 

And he was sharing it with Lizzie. 

Tossing the covers aside, Grace carefully got out of bed. She glanced over at Thomas. Never, not even in the beginning, had she ever felt like he was a stranger. They’d connect from the start in a way that she’d never thought two people could. He’d seen her- her heart and soul. And she’d seen him- the dark and the light he was made of. But now…Now she was a stranger in her own bed each night. A stranger with a husband who loved her. A stranger who knew almost everything about the man beside her. A woman who nothing about herself anymore. And she knew it was her fault- she knew she was the one drifting while he was the one trying to keep her with him. But she didn’t know how to find herself. She wanted to reach out and grab hold of him, but her hands wouldn’t move like she needed them to. 

She stepped away from the bed. Her hands reached for her robe by rote. She slipped it on and padded barefoot to the door. It was routine by now. Turn the knob slowly. Only open the door enough to slip out. Close it gently. Slowly release the knob. Turn left down the hall. Avoid the loud spots. Then she was free, two doors between her and Thomas. Take a breath, feel her lungs expand instead of grow tight. 

_When did breathing become so hard?_

Pull back the covers. Climb into the bed. Slide under the covers. Lie down. There would be no sleep. She wouldn’t close her eyes. She’d miss the heat that Thomas radiated. She’d miss the scent of his cologne mixing with her shampoo on their sheets. But she’d be able to breathe. And maybe when the sun came up she’d have found a way to bring down this wall between herself and her world. Her fingers pressed to her chest. Maybe she could stop being a stranger toherself

Maybe…  
-  
A knock came at the door to her office. Thomas had started knocking, but he was out of town for the day. She’d let the staff go early. So that only left one person. “Come in,” she called. A moment of hesitation and then the door opened. Grace stood from her place behind her desk as Lizzie stepped inside. “Is everything alright? Do we need to go to the hospital?” It was the only reason that Grace could think of for why the other woman would have come to her.

“No.” Grace glanced down, eyes taking in the nervous way Lizzie’ fidgeted with her fingers. The movement stopped a moment later. Lizzie moved to stand beside the settee across the room. Grace returned her gaze to Lizzie’s face. There was a strange kind of tension there. She knew before the words came what this visit was about. “I thought we should talk. Third trimester’s just around the corner. Time for me to go.” 

A flood of relief crashed into Grace. This had been the moment she’d been waiting for. For months she’d regretted forcing Lizzie to stay in the guest house. For months she’d wished for a way to get her to leave sooner- wished for the third trimester to arrive faster. But even under the relief was that dark, desperate fear. The fear that had been there from the beginning. Only higher now- it’d grown since the scare. 

But she couldn’t focus on that. “Of course. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to go after…” A flash of pain crossed Lizzie’s face. Grace tensed. She’d seen the fear in Lizzie’s eyes at the hospital. She’d heard her tell Thomas that she didn’t want the baby to die. It was a fear Grace understood. It was also a fear Grace resented Lizzie for feeling. _God, no one wants a baby to die, Grace. It doesn’t mean anything_. “I can send someone tomorrow to start packing things. And when you’re ready we’ll call the movers?” 

A small nod seemed to be all Lizzie was capable of. There was something in her eyes that told Grace there was more to this visit. After another moment, Lizzie sat on the edge of the settee. Grace sat down again as well. “I told you from the start, I didn’t want to stay. I told you I was scared of getting attached.” Grace’s spine straightened in fear. This was what she had nightmares about. That she might lose this baby after everything he and Thomas had been through to get it. “I’m…not. I’m not attached. At least not so much that-” A frustrated sigh left the woman carrying Grace’s child and the tension in the room increased. “I think it’d be best if Mr. Shelby didn’t visit once I go back…home.”

_Finally, something we agree on._

“He’s the baby’s father.” Lizzie clasped her fingers together tightly and gave a sharp nod. “He deserves to be as involved as anyone.” Another sigh. Another nod. “But…If you think this will make the transition easier for you, then of course. I’ll speak to my husband about it. It won’t be a problem.” It would be. It would be a bigger problem than it should be. Because Thomas had grown fond of the girl. He cared about her. And as hard as it was to make Thomas care for anyone, once he did…

Lizzie stood quickly, bringing Grace back from thoughts of her husband’s reaction to the news. “Thank you. I know that things haven’t been the…easiest…between us. But I don’t want to make things harder.” She was sincere- Grace could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. It was as close as either of them could get to admitting that Lizzie cared for Thomas more than she should. 

“I’ll send someone.” 

Another nod, then Lizzie was walking back out of the door. A glance at the clock showed seven minutes had passed. But it was enough. Grace wouldn’t be getting anything else accomplished. Her mind was already swirling and spiraling and it would be hours before the thoughts calmed. She leaned her elbows on her desk and let her head fall into her hands. _She’s leaving. She’s leaving, it’s fine. It’s all going to be fine._

She wished she could believe it.


	4. Four

_Day 217_

Tommy leaned against the side of his car. Lizzie was doing a final walk-through of the guest house. He’d drive her to her apartment- the truck too high for her to get into. The last box was put into the back and Tommy watched as one of the men pulled down the door. A flare of anger rushed through him- dark and violent. His fist clenched at his side as the men got into the truck and drove off.

The anger only grew when Lizzie stepped out of the house. She eased down the front steps as Tommy watched. It was small, but he still saw the hesitation when she reached the last step. Like she didn’t want to leave. Like she had no fucking choice. He forced himself to relax, to keep his face blank. But the closer she got, the angrier he became.

“Ready?”

Her voice was quiet- hesitant. Like it had been at the beginning, before the dinners and the fucking talks and the laughs. Back when she was just the surrogate and not Lizzie. The anger burned deeper in his veins. He didn’t respond- just opened her door and helped her in. He forced himself to take a deep breath while he walked to the driver’s side. He’d known this was coming. He’d know the day would come when things had to end.

He started the car and pulled away from the house. He’d done it dozens of times- after visiting with Lizzie, taking her for a drive. He’d come and gone from this house more times in the past six and a half months than any time before. But this time his hands gripped the wheel too tight and the idea of driving away made him want to fucking hit something.

“Tom?” He cut his eyes towards the woman beside him. She bit her lip the way she did when she wanted to say something he didn’t want to hear. And he knew what it was. “I think- Maybe when I get back-” She let out a sigh and from the corner of his eye he saw her blink back tears. “Think it’d be best if we all kept our distance from here on out. Don’t want to get attached, yeah?”

 _Fucking late for that._ “Still got doctor’s appointments.” She nodded. “Grace’ll want to visit- check up on things.” Things like the baby. Things like whether Lizzie was being reckless. She nodded again. His grip tightened on the wheel again. “Alright. Yeah, alright, Lizzie. Grace can do all that, then.” The words tasted like dirt in his mouth. Made him want to smoke. Made him wish he had a fucking whiskey.

She turned her face to the window. Her fingers bunched the bottom of her shirt. The anger flared again. “That sounds good,” she whispered. “Thanks, Tommy.” He didn’t look at her. He didn’t say anything. There was nothing to fucking say. Just kept his eyes on the road as they sped towards Lizzie’s shitty fucking apartment. There was a new landlord, though. Like she’d heard his thoughts, Lizzie said, “At least I don’t have to worry about Joe.” Her fingers smoothed out her shirt- bunched it again. “Heard the new guy’s okay. Doesn’t try anything with the girls.”

Again, he kept quiet. The rest of the drive was silent. By the time he pulled into the parking lot of Lizzie’s apartment the anger was gone. In its place was a restlessness he refused to name. The movers were already unloading the truck. Tommy watched people peek out their windows to see what was happening. He’d have a man keep an eye on her- make sure nothing happened. “I’ll walk you up.” She turned and looked at him for a long moment, her gaze weighty in a way he didn’t want to think about.

“Goodbye, Tommy.”

She went up alone.

_-_

She’d been gone a week. One fucking week. And he kept seeing her. Every time he closed his fucking eyes, she was there, mucking about in his head. She’d show up in his damn dreams- laughing and smiling that Lizzie smile. It was worse than his nightmares. Worse than the memories of his mother’s broken bones or the burn of his father’s cigarettes. Because she didn’t belong. Not in his head like this. Not in his fucking bed. He couldn’t do that to Grace.

But Grace barely looked at him anymore. She didn’t sleep beside him at night. She pretended to, she’d wait until she thought he was sleeping before she snuck out. But he didn’t sleep much- never had. And so he’d lay in their fucking bed trying to understand what the hell had happened to his wife. Only to wake up with Lizzie’s face clear as day in his mind- following him out of his dreams.

He’d fallen into work- pushed his people hard, pushed himself harder. He’d started taken the horses out, running them until man and beast were both tired and shaking. And he’d drink. He’d drink until everything was so fucking hazy- a pleasant lack of clarity to keep her from finding him. But it didn’t work. None of it worked. Because she’d still be there, under his skin and in his head.

He paced the floor of his study. Grace had come and gone again. He’d tried, he’d fucking tried, but she was locked away farther than he could reach. And he was tired of dealing with the woman wearing his wife’s face. He turned at the end of his desk and his eyes went to the guest house. It sat dark and empty.

It was strange. That house had sat empty for almost four years. He’d never seen it lit up at night before Lizzie. She’d been in it for little more than half a year. But it felt like she’d been there forever- like there’d always been a light on, a beacon for him during his long nights. Made no sense. Sounded like something Ada would toss out from one of those books she liked so much.

But he didn’t look away. The feeling didn’t go away. Instead another crept up on him- slipped into his blood where he couldn’t get it out. This pull- this need to see her. A noise from upstairs made him think of Grace. He thought about the way she’d looked the day he married her- beautiful and light and _his._ He thought of how she’d been lately- aloof and lost in shadows. But then his eyes were back on the guest house and that pull was even sharper. Fucking desperate.

He grabbed his keys and left.

He had her pressed against the wall as soon as she opened the door. “Get out of my fucking head.” He was breathing hard. From the stairs, from the drive, from _her_ \- he didn’t even know. His forehead as pressed to hers. Her wrists were caught in his hands. He could feel the firm swell of her belly- the baby kicked. “Damn you, Lizzie Stark. I can’t do this. I can’t do this to Grace. I won’t. You’ve got to get out of my head.”

She tugged one hand- he let go. Then her palm was pressed to his cheek. This was the closest they’d ever been. It scared him. How right it felt. How much he wanted to be closer. But he pushed the thought away- focused on the warmth of her palm and the stutter of her breath. “Go home, Tommy.” Her voice was hoarse and shaky, but it stopped the noise in his head. Her other hand twisted free, fingers twined with his. “Tommy, please. _Please_ , Tom. Go home.”

His head dropped to her shoulder, his face pressed into the curve of her neck. “No use. You’re haunting me.” The hand that had been on his cheek found its way to the back of his head, fingers curling in his hair. His hands found her waist- held her still, kept her close. His mind slowed, sank into a comfort that was purely Lizzie. And maybe she felt it, too, because her breathing evened out and her pulse slowed.

“I’ll stop. I’ll stop haunting you, alright? I’ll stop.”

He cursed himself even as he held her tighter.

“Don’t.”

_-_

_Day 241_

It should have been better.

Lizzie was gone. There were no more dinners at the guest house. Thomas didn’t see her. He even stayed in the car during the doctor’s appointments. He only asked about the baby, never Lizzie. And it made Grace’s heart feel lighter. She had even slept in their room the other night. She hadn’t been able to do that for…too long. And it should have felt like an accomplishment. It should have felt wonderful.

But it hadn’t. Nothing felt wonderful. Nothing felt like it should. Because as much as he tried to hide it, Thomas had slipped away. She’d _pushed_ him away. And now they were so far apart Grace couldn’t see how to get them back to where they had been. He didn’t sleep anymore. He only ate if she made him. And he was always, _always_ , working. It was his way of hiding from things- it always had been.

The only thing he truly cared about, the only thing that could pull him out of his work-induced haze, was the baby. Grace had always known that Thomas would be an amazing father. She’d known he’d be strict, but fair. She knew he’d be playful and kind and everything his own father hadn’t been. So when he stopped working or drinking or pacing simply because she mentioned the baby… Grace wanted to believe it was a good thing- pure paternal love. She’d never been good at lying to herself, though.

Staring at the plate in front of her, Grace tried to think of something to say. It had been two days since she’d exchanged more than banal pleasantries with her husband. And for all the thoughts constantly swirling in her mind, she couldn’t find a single thing to say to the man across the table from her. Her eyes lifted briefly, immediately going to Thomas. But outwardly he was the same as he had always been. His plate was empty, a glass of whiskey on his right-hand side. His body both relaxed and tense in a way she’d only seen in Thomas.

He looked at her. She forced herself not to look away. She could see him planning is words. He’d always done that, just never with her. She dropped her gaze. “When are you going to stop hiding? Running away?” Her hands slid from the table, fingers gripping tightly in her lap. “I’ve tried, Grace- to be patient, to understand. I’m still trying.” Her nails bit into her skin. She should look at him. She should tell him what she was feeling. This was her chance to bridge the chasm between them.

“I don’t know what you mean, Thomas.”

She met his eyes once more. But there was nothing. She was staring at a stranger where only moments ago her husband had been. She felt cold. She felt lost and afraid. She didn’t know why she’d said it. She didn’t know why she couldn’t just _be honest_ with him. She forced her hands apart. Some instinct demanded that she not show how broken she was. It demanded that she lift her fork and eat. It forced her to sip her wine, slowly, as if her world wasn’t imploding under the weight of her silence.

Another minute ticked by. Then Thomas rose from his seat. Palms pressed to the table, he leaned in close. “In a month there will be a baby in this house. In a month we won’t have the luxury of ignoring whatever the fuck this is.” He stood straight, but his eyes grew colder, his voice sharper, with his next words. “I won’t raise my child with a stranger, Grace.” Then he was gone. She looked back to her plate. She picked up her fork and took a bite. Lifted her glass and sipped her wine.

She stopped.

The glass flew across the room.

She finished eating while wine dripped down the wall.

-

She threw herself into decorating. Her hair was tucked into a messy bun. A pair of old jeans had paint spots on them and her t-shirt sported more than one hole in it. The room was chaotic, but it was purposeful chaos. There was an unboxed crib that had yet to be assembled. The changing table was finished, but she still needed to stain it. There was a large tarp taped to the floor to catch spills, and there were quite a few. But the rug she was going to put down was tucked into the closet waiting to be used.

She needed this. She needed to do this. There wasn’t time or energy for anything else. No Thomas, no silence, no walls. There was just this room and making sure it was perfect. Each stenciled animal had to be perfect. Each little leaf and flower had to be precise. The right colors and shapes and textures. Each detail down to the smallest thing. That was the only thing that Grace could allow herself to care about- to spend her time on.

Footsteps stopped outside of the nursery. She knew it was Thomas. The staff had stopped coming to check on her hours ago. She’d noticed, but hadn’t really _noticed._ It was irrelevant, anyway. But Thomas- she knew he wouldn’t leave. Or maybe he would. Maybe they would live in this huge house and never speak outside of necessities. Maybe they would raise this baby together without ever truly being together the way they should be. She didn’t know. She couldn’t think about it.

Dipping a small brush into the forest green paint, Grace began filling in the leaves on the weeping willow mural painted over where the crib would go. She and Thomas had talked about this long before she realized she couldn’t have children. Mostly it had been her describing to Thomas what she thought would be soothing and what she hoped would make the room special. Thomas had listened, an indulgent smile on his face the entire time. As she painted the small leaves, it felt as if a lifetime had passed between those happy moments and the present.

_It’ll be worth it once she’s born. Everything will fit again once the baby gets here._

A part of her said that a marriage was a lot to put on a baby. Some rational place inside her told Grace that babies rarely ease tensions. But like with everything else, she pushed such thoughts away and focused on creating the perfect haven for her little girl. The painters had done such a lovely job. The furniture would be beautiful when it was finished and in place. She could picture herself here, rocking her baby to sleep. She just had to hold on until then.

“Going to the office. Should be back in a few hours.”

She didn’t even turn to acknowledge that he’d spoken. When had ignoring Thomas become natural to her? A strange tightness pressed against her ribs. It made her breaths come less easily. And suddenly her mind was full of words she wanted to say. Dozens of apologies and explanations, every insecurity and hope and fear. She wanted to pour it all out at Thomas’s feet, let him wrap her up in his arms until she felt whole again. She heard the shuffle of his footsteps moving away and a sharp panic set in.

“Thomas?” she rushed to the nursery door. There he was, almost to the stairs. But he’d stopped. He’d waited. Even after all this, even when she didn’t know how to bridge the distance or what words to say. He was still there- waiting for her like always. He turned around to face her and she saw just how much she’d lost. She’d known, of course. She’d seen it in other moments and felt the pain. But now, outside of the room that their child would sleep, it seemed so much more real than those other times. “Do you still love me, Thomas?”

A stillness came over him that she’d never seen before. It was more than hesitation- it was… She didn’t know what it was. But it left her hollow. It left her frozen in ice, sharp pricks of pain radiating from every part of her. His hand dragged over his face. His fingers dug into his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose. Then his hand dropped back to his side and a heavy sigh escaped him- like all the weight of the world had settled on his shoulders and it was too much for him to bear. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t come back until morning.

-

_Day 272_

Lizzie sat, eyes closed. Trying not to think about him. She’d tried to pretend. She’d tried to convince herself that nothing was changing- that nothing had changed. But it was hard to hold onto the lie. Things were different. She’d made a mistake. She’d gotten attached. Not just to the baby, though she couldn’t imagine walking away from her at the end of this. No, she’d gotten attached to Tommy. She’d gotten attached to his dry, almost morbid, humor and his rare smiles and the rough sound of his Brummie accent- an accent she hadn’t ever thought she’d miss.

And maybe, just maybe, he’d gotten a bit attached to her. Maybe he’d missed Small Heath in the same impossible way she did. Maybe he missed the boy he’d been when he saw glimpses of the girl she’d been. Maybe the bit of home she reminded him of had formed a bond between them. A bond that never should have been. A bond that she should have fought harder to ignore. But she hadn’t.

_‘You’re haunting me.’_

He was haunting her, too.

Almost two months had passed since that night- the night he’d shown up at her door and shattered the illusion she’d built around herself. She could still feel his breath on her neck and the softness of his hair. She could still feel the pounding of her heart from being so close to him. That night- everything it’d made her feel- that had been the reason she’d wanted him to stay away. Because she knew how it ended. _‘I can’t do that to Grace. I won’t.’_ she’d never thought he would- never thought they’d be anything more than two people brought together by strange circumstances.

“Come on, Lizzie. Stop that.” It was something she found herself saying more and more as time went by. Standing up, with more than a bit of difficulty, she waddled to the kitchen. “Never thought I’d see the day. Lizzie Stark, big as a fucking cow.” Her hand dropped to her belly as the baby moved a bit. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. I don’t mind since it’s for you.” There wasn’t much room for her to move in there, but the baby kicked- almost like she approved of what Lizzie had said.

_‘Grace’ll never go for it, but…I want to call her Ruby. Ruby Shelby sounds nice, right Liz?’_

She paused at the sink to catch her breath. _I’ll call you Ruby. When I think about you after. I won’t forget you._ Tears pricked at the back of her eyes, but she blinked hard to clear them away. God, it seemed like she was always ready to cry nowadays. It wasn’t hormones- most things were, but not this. No, this was just Lizzie missing a baby she still had inside of her. This was her missing a man she could never have. She shouldn’t have let herself get attached to either of them. Just her fucking luck, though. 

Turning on the faucet she reached into the cabinet and pulled down a glass. A sharp pain cut through her as she filled the glass. But she ignored it- had been ignoring it for a few hours now. She knew what it was. Hadn’t even tried to convince herself it was Braxton-Hicks first. She’d read too much to not know the difference by now. Figures her body would skip the pre-contractions and go straight for the real thing.

She leaned over the sink and took deep breaths until the pain eased, hand rubbing her belly all the while. “I know, Baby Girl. You’re ready to come out. But we’re gonna wait a little longer, alright? Just need a bit more time.” She couldn’t say it out loud- was scared to even think it. But it was truth all the same. She wasn’t ready to hand this baby over the Grace. She wasn’t ready to walk away.

The pain stopped and Lizzie took a sip of her water. It felt good going down. The coolness helping to fight the heat that seemed to be wrapping itself around her middle. _Deep breaths, Lizzie. Just take deep breaths._ Slowly she pushed herself up from where she’d been leaning. Keeping her hand on the wall, Lizzie slowly made her way to her bedroom. Her hospital bag was packed. There was nothing to do- nothing to prepare. One call and that would be it. But she didn’t call. “Just us, Baby girl. For a little bit longer.” She sat on the edge of her bed, grabbed her phone from the nightstand to sit beside her. Then she waited.

Another contraction came, closer.

She waited.

Then another, closer still.

She waited.

Another, three minutes from the last.

She called Tommy.

-

She hadn’t gotten to hold her.

It was for the best. Probably. It meant she couldn’t get any more attached. Couldn’t fall even more in love with a little girl she’d never see again. Grace had taken the baby straight from the doctor’s hands. Lizzie had caught a glimpse of dark hair, and a red face- mouth wide, voice loud and angry. Then the baby was out of sight, tucked in the corner with Grace. Lizzie had watched her smile and coo over the newest Shelby. She had only let go for the nurse to check her over and clean her up. Then it was right back to Grace. Until, with one absentminded nod, Grace had walked out the door, baby wrapped tight and pressed close to her chest.

She hadn’t gotten to hold her. But an hour later Tommy’s lawyer had stepped into the room. He’d brought a nurse and a social worker. He’d gone over papers relinquishing Lizzie’s parental rights. He’d had her sign a paper saying she understood what everything meant. Then the nurse signed as a witness. And it should have been simple. It should have been the easiest part of her day. All she had to do was sign a piece of paper, initial a few spots. Then it would all be done. But it wasn’t simple.

It was impossible.

So the lawyer had tucked the papers back into his briefcase. He’d told her that when she got out of the hospital to come to his office. He’d explained that Grace couldn’t start the adoption process for ‘the child’ until Lizzie signed the papers. So it was _‘in everyone’s best interest to get this matter resolved as quickly as possible’._ The matter being the baby Lizzie had carried for thirty-nine weeks. The matter being this little person that was half Lizzie. The matter being her _baby._ The baby she wasn’t supposed to want- the baby she was never supposed to have.

Then the room was empty. The nurse had asked if she wanted visitors. She’d hinted that Tommy was wanting to see her. But Lizzie had said no. As much as she wanted him with her, she couldn’t. Fuck, it was almost laughable. She couldn’t have what she wanted _because_ she wanted it. Because the wanting was too much and wrong and would never be more than that. So she sat in the hospital bed and stared at the blank TV. She listened to the sound of babies crying. She wondered if her baby- _Grace’s_ baby- was crying. She wondered if she was hungry. She wondered if she missed her. She sat and she cried and she wondered.

Suddenly the door opened. Without bothering to hide her tears Lizzie turned towards whoever it was. Her breath caught in her throat. Her heart started pounding in her chest. Because there he was, a little bundle held close in his arms. If Tommy saw her tears, he didn’t let it show. If he had guessed how not okay she was he didn’t let on. Just stepped in, the door closing behind him.

Lizzie watched with almost hungry eyes as he got closer. She was nearly vibrating from forcing herself to keep still- to not reach for the little girl kicking in his arms. He sat on the edge on the bed and she nearly screamed at him to just let her fucking see her kid. But she bit it back, kept as calm as she could. It wasn’t her kid- papers or not. He was being nice, doing her a kindness. The thought didn’t keep her hands from shaking when he held the baby out for her to take.

“Thought I’d introduce you.” Lizzie tucked the baby close to her heart. She made sure that the blanket covered her feet. She straightened the little cap on her head. A smile lifted the corners of her lips at the peek of dark curls she’d seen. “Her name’s Ruby. Ruby Evelyn Shelby” Lizzie’s eyes shot to Tommy’s. He was wearing a slight smirk on his face. “I know. Didn’t think she’d go for it either.” Shaking her head in wonder, Lizzie turned back to little Ruby.

Her throat went tight. Her eyes watered a bit. “It’s a good name, Tom,” she whispered with a shaky smile. “Ruby Shelby. She’ll be somebody. She’ll have a good life and she’ll have so much love.” Her eyes found Tommy’s again. The blue in them was so clear. But there was a hint of something- something she was terrified to give a name to- in them. “Promise me that? That she’ll be loved and happy and safe?”

He didn’t say anything. Not with words, at any rate. But she felt it- his promise. She felt it deep in her soul. And it was almost enough. If she never saw this little angel girl again, that promise was just almost enough. So she stopped worrying. She let herself have this time. She sank into the easy weight of little Ruby. She breathed in the fresh baby scent of her. She basked in the warmth of Tommy’s hand on her arm, thumb brushing back and forth while she held his little girl.

_I love you, Ruby Shelby. I love you._


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A touch of smut. But I figure someone deserves sex after this mess.

_She walked out of the birthing room with her baby cradled in her arms. She was eighteen inches long and weighed seven pounds exactly. Her lungs were great based on how loudly she was crying. There were ten finger and ten toes and the sweetest bellybutton. And as she stepped into the private room at the other end of the hall, Grace fell completely in love with her little angel._

_Eyes only looking away from her baby long enough to find the door to the private waiting room, Grace let Thomas inside. She couldn’t bring herself to look away, but she didn’t think it mattered. He stepped up beside her and a jolt of happiness surged through her when he placed his hand on the baby’s cap-covered head._

_“Isn’t she perfect?” she whispered._

_“She’s beautiful.” It was the softest she had ever heard Thomas’ voice. There was something so pure and reverent in it. “She’s loud,” he said, amusement clear in his tone. It was a quality she had missed. Rare even at the best of times, but recently… “Hello, Sweet Girl.”_

_Finally tearing her gaze from the fussy darling in her arms, Grace turned to look at her husband. This was the moment that things between them should click back into place. This was what they had worked so hard for. Tears and shot and fights and million other painful memories from the first time the doctor said their might be a problem. But now they were here. They had a_ baby _. Thomas had his eyes glued to the baby. A small, but real, smile rested on his lips as he looked at the little girl Grace held._

_“What should we call her, Thomas? I keep looking at her and the only thing I can think of is Angel,” she said biting back a laugh. They’d agreed that no matter how emotional they got or how precious their child looked- if it was a girl they would not name her Angel or Precious or anything or the sort. Grace’s heart clenched tight when Thomas’s smile ticked higher at the reminder._

_He shook his head, moving to gently lift his daughter into his arms. She forgot sometimes that he was more used to babies than she was. He’d been nearly grown when Finn was born. And Ada’s son was only two, so he’d had more recent practice. “No. Not Angel.” She looked at this small child tucked securely in Thomas’ arms. She’d stopped crying- only letting out unhappy whimpers now and then._ A Daddy’s Girl, then _. “I’ve had Ruby bouncing around in my head for months.”_

_It wasn’t what Grace would have chosen. But the name was still lovely. And somehow it suited a child belonging to Thomas. “I was thinking of Isabelle. Such an elegant name. But Ruby… it’s beautiful. And she is just as precious, isn’t she?” Eyes meeting over the baby’s head, Grace made a decision as she looked at Thomas. “I want you to pick. As long as she’s ours and she’s healthy… You name her.”_

_He only hesitated for the smallest of moments. His eyes left hers and returned to the baby he held. Then, briefly, he looked towards the door. She convinced herself that he was just thinking. She told herself it had nothing to do with the woman she’d left on the other side of the maternity wing. “Evelyn. Ruby Evelyn Shelby.” It was beautiful. Strong and refined and just gorgeous. Everything she hoped to raise this child would grow to be. With this man by her side for every moment._

_She smiled, wide and free and absolutely full of a joy she thought she might never feel. “Ruby Evelyn Shelby. Perfect.” She let her hand rest on Ruby’s stomach. She took in the light in Thomas’ eyes as he looked at his daughter. They widened in surprise before his smile grew even bigger. And Grace couldn’t keep from looking to see what he was seeing- to look at their girl’s beautiful face again._

_Her smile grew stiff._

_The joy dimmed, then faded into nothing._

_The baby’s eyes were open. Big and round. They were unfocused, but still looking around, taking in what little of the world there was for her to see. But suddenly Grace couldn’t quite find the wonder in it. Because there, staring out of the most angelic face she could have imagined, were Lizzie Stark’s green eyes._

Grace shook her head to get rid of the memory of that day. The day all of her dreams had come true and shattered at the same time. She turned back to the bag lying open across the bed. Not her and Thomas’ bed. No, this was the bed she’d been sleeping in for months- the one she thought she’d never use again after Ruby was born. So many hopes had been pinned on that little girl. And now, none of them would come true.

Not for Grace, at least.

She closed the bag and set it beside the door with the other two. She’d have to make two trips, but it was a knowledge that had no substance. Nothing touched her anymore. Nothing had for two weeks. Not since little Ruby had opened her eyes. Eyes that were the wrong color. With another shake of her head, Grace opened the door and stepped into the hall, pulling her suitcase and carry-on bag behind her. She made her way, quietly, to the stairs. Then on to the front door. Her car was already waiting, the moon reflected through the windshield.

She lifted her bags into the car. Then returned to the house and made the trip again. Her mind forming the words she would write for Thomas. Her legs and hands carrying her remaining things to the car with no intentional thought from her. She quiet closed the trunk of her car. Then she turned to look at the house. She loved that house. She loved the memories she’d made here. Her eyes drifted towards the guest house. Most of them, anyway.

She turned away from the dark silhouette of the guest house and moved back into her home for the past four years. She walked through each room. Her mind tried to memorize every detail that her eyes could see. It wasn’t enough- but it would have to be. She stopped in Thomas’ study. There would be only one room left after this one. So she took her time. She didn’t rush while she pulled a piece of stationary from his desk. Her hand didn’t hurry across the page as she wrote out the words she had practiced. Even when a full page was folded and tucked into an envelope with his name written across the face, she stood slowly.

There was no rush now.

She set another, larger envelope beside the smaller one. Then she left the room, closing the door softly behind her. Her feet carried her up the stairs. Some strange reflex or muscle memory had her turning stopping two doors down instead of four. It had only been two weeks, but it had become natural to her- going to the nursery first.

She pushed the door open, and stepped inside. She knew he was in there. She hoped he didn’t notice that she wasn’t in her night clothes. She hoped he was too busy with Ruby to question her presence, when it had been such a rare thing the last two weeks. But mercifully when she peeked inside, Thomas’ eyes were closed. His breathing was deep and even in sleep. A small spear of moonlight cut across him so that his face was in shadow, but the child he held was bathed in the soft glow.

It was a sight Grace had dreamed about. But it was still wrong. It had only taken one moment for her heart to pull away from the girl. It had taken one day for the maternal feelings she’d experienced to wither and fade. One day for the love she had felt for the tiny child resting in Thomas’ arms to die. And then it had been two weeks of trying to get it back. Two weeks of trying to ignore the pain she felt when those green eyes looked at her. Two weeks of telling herself again and again that Ruby was _hers_ \- her baby to love and raise and live for. But it had been futile in the end. And she had been lost in a haze of grief and anger and pain that she couldn’t allow anyone to see, ever since.

Grace stepped back towards the door. Her eyes lighting on Thomas once again. She wished she could tell him she loved him. She wished she could still be sure that she did. She wished his daughter wasn’t the reason she had to walk away from him. She stepped back into the hall. Then she froze. Green eyes watched her from the safety of Thomas’ arms. A moment passed. Then, taking a deep breath, Grace quietly pulled the door closed. She walked down the stairs and got into her car.

She didn’t look back when she reached the edge of the property.

-

_Four Months Later_

Tommy stared down at the folder in front of him.

“And here’s is a copy of your finalized divorce. Sorry it had to happen this way. But everything’s done now.” His lawyer, Vincent, stood from the chair he’d been sitting in. This would be the last visit he made regarding Grace. Hopefully it would be the last visit for a while- he wasn’t cheap. Straightening his suit jacket Vincent stuck his hand out across Tommy’s desk. Tommy stared at it, unmoving. “Right, well…Have a good evening, Mr. Shelby,” he said bringing his hand back to his side.

“Close the door on your way out.”

The other man nodded and left. The door closed behind him. Tommy let out a heavy sigh. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. It had been a long four months. It had been a fucking hard four months. He had known things were off with Grace. He hadn’t deluded himself into thinking things would really get better after Ruby was born. But he’d thought she’d at least talk to him. Not leave in the fucking dead of night. Not leave a fucking note next, to a petition for divorce, on his desk.

He opened his eyes and sat up. Tried to put Grace from his mind. Tommy glanced to the corner. A smile came to his face when he saw Ruby in her swing. Her eyes were open wide and trained on him. Her little feet kicked in excitement when he stood up and made his way towards her. She wasn’t like this with anyone else. The nanny thought she was shy. But Tommy knew better. She was a Shelby and Shelbys didn’t trust strangers.

“How’s my girl?” Her little fists pumped as he unbuckled her from her swing. He’d never thought the day would come that he had a baby swing- or a baby- in his office and called it normal. But things had turned on their head the minute he laid eyes of his Ruby. Some kind of shift in gravity and the fucking cosmos- that’s what it felt like. Picking up his daughter he returned to his desk. “Time for lunch, then?” But a knock at his door came before Ruby could ‘answer’. “Come.”

The door opened and Ada walked in, Arthur right behind her. His sister went straight for him and plucked Ruby out of his arms. Even Arthur moved to the side of the desk to get a peek at the baby. Arthur wasn’t one for kids usually, but he loved being an uncle. Tommy was still getting used to seeing it. He watched his girl smile and squirm happily at the attention. _‘Promise me…That she’ll be loved and happy and safe.’_ He took a deep breath. She was still haunting him.

Ada finally turned her attention to Tommy. She placed Ruby back in his arms and left a quick kiss on his head when she straightened up. “Hello, Brother. Glad to see you haven’t ruined my little angel, yet.” He rolled his eyes, but kept quiet. Ada let out a huff and flounced around the desk to fall into the free chair. Arthur stood behind it, an excited look on his face. “Got news for you, Tom.”

He sat up straighter. He hadn’t let himself get his hopes up. He’d kept his expectations low. But that didn’t stop his heart from picking up a bit. “We found her, Brother.” Arthur’s gruff voice was almost soft when he said it. And for a moment that was all Tommy let himself focus on- this almost softness in his brother. He looked to Ada. She was the one who really understood. Arthur might’ve, Tommy didn’t really know- hadn’t much cared to ask. But he knew Ada got it- this need he’d been trying to ignore. His sister nodded, slow smile forming. Taking the extra chair Arthur went on. “Moved fuck- freaking two hours away. Working at a little back alley place. Under the table stuff- and your girl uses cash for everything. No fuck- freaking paper trail to follow.”

“We get it Arthur,” said Ada with a roll of her eyes. “The point is, we know where she is and we know where she lives. So you can stop moping and go get her.” Tommy fought back a smile at his sister’s bluntness. Then he let the information settle a bit. They’d found Lizzie. Her job sounded shit. She probably wasn’t living in the best place, again. But he could handle all that. Once he got to her things would be situated the way they should. He just had to get to her. “Well? Why’re you still sitting there, then?”

He looked down at his daughter. Her green eyes stared up at him, little fingers tugging at the button of his shirt. He’d not thought too much about what would happen if they found Lizzie. It had felt like hope and he hadn’t wanted any part of that. It still felt too soon for hoping. She could say ‘no’. He didn’t think she would- he’d fucking fight her on it. But she _could_. He turned to answer his sister’s question. “Nanny’s got the night off.”

Ada scoffed. Arthur let out an exasperated groan. Didn’t think he cared that much, Arthur. “We’ll fucking watch her, Tom. Christ.” Tommy sent a glare towards his brother, but Arthur went on like he didn’t see it. “Ada’s been talking my bloody ears off ‘bout getting you to this girl. I can’t take it anymore. So hand over that little angel and fucking go.” He stood up, pulling Ada up with him. A gentle shove had their sister walking around the desk again. Tommy kissed Ruby’s head and handed her over. “Right,” Arthur said with a clap of his hands. “Now go get your fucking girl.”

-

The building Tommy stopped in front of was worse than the one she’d lived in before. There were broken windows. The stairs leading to the upper floors were rusted and missing in some spots. He’d seen two men fucking against the side of the building and a woman with her hand down a man’s pants in the alley a few steps away. He could see a kid peeking out a window watching it all. And Lizzie was staying in there.

Stepping out of his car, Tommy ambled towards the building. The woman jerking a guy off gave him a smile. The kid in the window ducked back inside when Tommy looked up at him. Looked thin, the kid. Reminded Tommy of him when he was little. Grabbing the handle to the front entrance, Tommy grimaced. The bit he could see of the inside was just as shit as the outside.

He opened the door and went in. She was on the third floor. He didn’t like that. The fire escape was broken along the third floor. _She’s not fucking staying here._ He’d drag her out if he had to. Buy her a fucking house if it came to it. But she’d not be staying in this place another night. He took the stairs two at a time. When he reached her floor, he paused. Someone had burned something. There was a rat at the far corner of the hall. And a baby was crying. It was the little tired cry he remembered from his childhood- the one that meant it’d been going for hours. They’d taken Jack Foster’s sister because she’d cried like that.

Shoving those thoughts away he stepped over to apartment 306. He knocked and a second later he heard her. “Fuck off! I’m not buying, selling, lending, or anything else.” He shouldn’t have smiled at that. Fuck he’d probably be worried about why it was her first response in a minute. But right then he was just happy to hear her. Happy to have proof that his information had been good. Ducking his head to hide his smile, he knocked again. “For fuck’s sake! What!”

The door swung open and Tommy looked up. There she was. There was red in her cheeks from anger. A knife was in her hand, ready to be used. And Tommy was pretty sure she’d lost weight since he’d seen her- more than she probably should have. But she was the best thing he’d seen in a while besides Ruby. “Hello, Liz. Gonna stab me or let me in?”

She looked down at the knife in her hand, confused. Then she was looking back at him, eyes wide in shock. “Tom- I mean Mr. Shelby.” He raised a brow at that. “I- How did you-” Her hand came up and ran through her hair, tugging a bit. “Um… Shit, sorry. Come- come in.” She took a jerky step back. He stepped inside- pretended not to notice how off kilter she was. “You want some tea? Or, um, juice? I’ve got juice.”

He shook his head. “Not here for long.” He turned before he could see her reaction to that. The place was small- smaller than her last apartment. There wasn’t space for a full sofa. He wondered what she’d done with her old one. There was a big water stain on the ceiling. The carpet was old and discolored. But it had been cleaned recently- still had that chemical smell. And the rest of the living room was neat and orderly, too. The place was shit, but Lizzie made the best of it.

Turning back towards the kitchen area, Tommy found her eyes on him. “Why’re you here, Tommy?” She fiddled with a cup that he knew had tea in it. Her hair was longer, not much, but enough to hide her eyes when she turned her head. He didn’t like that. “How’s…” She took a deep breath and he knew what was coming. “How’s Grace? And, um, and the baby?”

He moved closer to her, until only her small table was between them. Her eyes tracked his every move like he was some predator about to attack. Maybe he was. Maybe he’d grab her and not let go. Didn’t seem like the worst idea. “Grace is gone. Divorce was finalized this afternoon.” It was strange that saying his marriage was over didn’t bother him the way he’d thought it would. From the day she’d left Tommy’d assumed it was just a delayed reaction- that it’d hit him when the divorce was final. Seemed he was wrong.

Lizzie’s eyes had gone wide. It wasn’t shock, though. “She took Ruby?” Her voice broken on the name and Tommy had to take a breath to steady himself against the pain in it. “I- She can’t just- She took Ruby?” Tears were filling her eyes. She didn’t cry, Lizzie. It wasn’t her way. He’d only seen her cry twice in the time he’d known her. Both times she’d been in the hospital and both times she’d been worried about Ruby.

“She didn’t take Ruby.” He’d never seem a person collapse from relief before, but Lizzie did. He caught her just before she could hit the floor. “Christ, Lizzie!” He slid them both to the floor, pulling her close. “It’s alright, hm. Ruby’s alright. She’s home with Ada. Probably watching some fucking Project Runway or something.” He felt her take a shuddery breath, felt her ribs and shoulder blades press into him. He’d have to feed her when he got her home.

Her head fell back to rest on his shoulder. “I never signed the papers,” she whispered.

“I know.”

“I couldn’t do it, Tommy. I couldn’t just let her go like that- like she was nothing.” He nodded. Pressed a kiss to her hair. “Is that why Grace left?” His arms tightened around her as he shook his head. She took another deep breath. “I miss her. Ruby. I kept wanting to go to the house and visit. I kept going to the baby section in the stores- looking at bottles and diapers and little outfits.” He could imagine. He could see her in his head, smiling over onesies and comparing strollers. “It was killing me. It’s why I left.”

He pulled her closer, face pressed to the curve of her neck. “I know, Lizzie.” He placed a soft kiss to her throat, lips ticking up at the sound of her little gasp. “I need you, Liz. Needed you before Ruby even got here. You knew.” She nodded slowly. “Hasn’t gone away- the needing. Just got worse.” He closed his eyes, tried to push his hopes down. “Come home with me? We can go slow. We can do whatever you like, Liz. Just…I need you. I _want_ you.”

It was silent for a long time. Lizzie had gone still in his arms. A kind of stillness that made his bones ache and his chest go tight. But he didn’t speak. He let her think. He couldn’t force this- couldn’t make her care for him the way he cared for her. So he sat on her kitchen floor and waited. He breathed in that soft Lizzie scent- vanilla and honey- and he waited. He let himself enjoy the warmth of her in his arms and waited.

He wasn’t a patient man, but he could be patient for this.

-

_She’d said ‘yes’. She still couldn’t believe she’d said ‘yes’. She couldn’t believe that he had found her. She couldn’t believe that she was walking back into his house. It all felt so strange. A scary, wonderful kind of strange. He was holding her hand. He hadn’t let go for longer than a minute since they’d left her apartment two hours ago. He was her anchor in this- and maybe she was his, too._

_He led her up the stairs, leading her to the right when they reached the landing. She wasn’t sure what to expect. Not really. They hadn’t talked much on the drive, both lost in their own thoughts. But she wondered now. He’d said he needed her. He’d told her he wanted her. But he hadn’t said how. And she was terrified to assume. So her heart was in her throat when he opened the second door and pulled her in with him_

_Then she couldn’t breathe for a completely different reason._

_He led her across the room to the crib in the corner. She peeked in and there she was. Ruby. She was on her stomach- fists curled tight, her little bum stuck high in the air. It was…the most precious thing Lizzie had ever seen in her life. Without thinking Lizzie reached in and brushed a hand over Ruby’s soft curls. She ran her hand along her back and let it rest there, feeling the in and out of her baby’s breathing._

_Tommy stepped up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist. “She’s a lot like you,” he whispered. “Tough and sweet.” The fingers of one hand skimmed her side a bit, then held tight. She wasn’t used to this- the easy touches. But she could be. “Stubborn, definitely stubborn.” Lizzie turned her head and caught his eyes. Him calling anyone stubborn was ridiculous. And by the smirk on his face, he knew it. “Something to say, Ms. Stark?” She turned back to Ruby and shook her head. She felt him press his lips to her throat. “She has your eyes, you know.” Lizzie smiled._

_She stayed there, watching her daughter, for a long time._

_Tommy held her all the while._

-

_She woke to someone’s touch. A finger slowly trailing up and down the length of her arm. Her mind fought against the haze of sleep to remember where she was. And when she did, a smile played at her lips. She’d only been back for a week. But this was the first night she’d shared a bed with Tommy. The first morning she’d woken with his heat and his scent surrounding her. And in the gauzy realm between wakefulness and dreams his slight touch was like some kind of magic._

_Her skin pricked with goosebumps. The fine hairs at the nape of her neck stood up. They’d never been like this. So she kept her eyes closed and her breathing even, so he wouldn’t stop. The slow trail on her arm changed, though. His hand slid around her waist, finger circling the bit of bare skin around her exposed navel. Her breath caught. A shock spread from where he touched her to every part of her body._

_“Morning.”_

_She let out a low hum in response to his greeting. It was one word, but it made her feel warm and heavy. The rasp in his voice almost a growl so early in the morning. She could get used to waking up to that voice. She could get used to feeling the sharp pulse of want that came with it. His hand traveled lower as if he’d heard her thoughts. A finger lifted the elastic of her panties a bit, then let it snap back against her skin. It was a question. “Please,” was her answer._

_But Tommy didn’t say anything. His hand moved down her body- fingers dancing along the seam of her thighs. She moved a bit, pressed her back to his front. His head settled on her shoulder, breath hot against her skin. His free hand wrapped around her and cupped her breast, thumb brushing against her nipple as if it wasn’t slowly driving her mad. He pressed a kiss to her throat, then another to her shoulder, then the crest of her jaw. She could feel the scrape of his stubble- imagined in between her thighs. Her legs slid together restlessly._

_“Easy.”_

_She let out a huff. It wasn’t easy. It was maddening. The slow caresses. The barest hint of pressure. It was barely anything, but enough for her to need more. But she kept still. Somehow she knew. He wouldn’t be rushed, Tommy. She’d get nothing if she rushed him. Knowing that shouldn’t have excited her as much as it did. Still, she forced herself to be patient. And no sooner had she relaxed into him, Tommy slid his hand up between her legs. Two fingers swiped along her covered folds, dragging the damp fabric of her panties against her clit._

_She gasped- he smiled._

_The hand on her breast squeezed a bit and Lizzie felt her already hard nipples grow harder. She felt her breath hitch as Tommy ground his hips into her. His cock was hard beneath his clothes and she wanted it. But the thought faded away as Tommy tugged her panties down. Her hips lifted automatically to make it easier. He pressed two fingers into her slit. Traced the slick skin around her opening before a finger inside. It was_ good _\- so good. But it wasn’t enough. And Tommy knew it, the bastard. She felt his smile when she squirmed, trying to get more. He nipped her neck._

_“Tommy…”_

_The finger pressed inside of her slid out. Lizzie’s eyes fluttered open at the sudden emptiness. Her head turned a bit and she watched as Tommy brought his finger to his lips to taste her. It made her lungs seize and her cunt pulse in need. Those blue eyes found hers as his removed his finger from his mouth. “Sweet.” Lizzie’s mouth fell open in a pant. Then Tommy was pulling away, moving down the bed. He gently rolled her onto her back, spreading her legs to give him a place to settle. “You’re sweet, Lizzie. Don’t deserve you.” Lucky her, Tommy didn’t let things like_ deserve _keep him from having something._

_Then his mouth was pressed between her legs and she couldn’t think anymore._

-

“Tommy,” she whispered, hand going to his arm. “Tom, look at her.” They were sitting in his study. Lizzie’d managed to pull him away from his desk for a bit, so the two of them sat on the settee. Ruby was on the blanket Tommy kept in his study for her. It had been a surprise when Lizzie’d moved in three months ago, seeing how hands-on Tommy was with Ruby. A good surprise, though. And now, she leaned into his side as she watched their daughter crawl for the first time.

The books said she shouldn’t start crawling for another two months. But Ruby was quick. She was smart. And Lizzie was beyond proud of her girl. Tommy leaned forward to be more in Ruby’s line of sight. “Where d’you think you’re going, eh?” he asked in that dry voice of his. Ruby, for once, paid him no mind. She was focused on getting a block that had gotten away from her.

Every day there seemed to be some new thing that Ruby did. And every day Lizzie felt overwhelmed by how grateful she was to be seeing it. She’d almost missed this. She’d almost missed everything. When she had walked out of the hospital after delivering Ruby, Lizzie had been sure that she would never see another Shelby in her life. And it had been devastating, but in a small way comforting. She’d known then that to see Tommy or Ruby and have to walk away again would kill her.

She looked at Tommy. He’d gotten down on the floor and was talking to Ruby about something. He’d been the last person she expected to knock on her door. There hadn’t even been a world in her happiest dreams where he came to her like he had that night. And for him to ask her to come home with him- to _be_ with him? It’d taken her far too long to accept that it wasn’t a dream and answer him. But she hadn’t regretted a single moment since.

“Lizzie?”

She blinked. Tommy and Ruby were both watching her. Ruby, with a curious expression on her sweet face. Tommy looked a bit more concerned. Even from the beginning, he’d looked out for her. He’d been the one to try and make sure she was alright. But now it was a different kind of concern- it came from a different place. “I’m alright. Just love watching you two. You’re really quite cute when you’re being soft, Tommy Shelby.”

He rolled his eyes and turned back to their daughter, who was crawling into his lap. “Hear that, Ruby? Mom’s being silly.” A thrill went through Lizzie at being call ‘mom’. Even after months of it, she still got excited. She still couldn’t believe that she actually got to be this little girl’s _mom_. She hoped that feeling never went away. The look in Tommy’s eyes said he knew how she felt. That look changed a second later, though, into one Lizzie was more familiar with. It excited her for another reason altogether. _‘I love you,’_ it said, just as clear as when he whispered it into her skin.

She smiled _._

It said, _‘I love you, too.’_


End file.
